Unicorns and The USS Enterprise

    Well, today was the day!!! I finally had the long awaited doctor's appointment with the optometrist with some good news and some not so good news. I pretty much spent the whole afternoon there trapped in an exam room with my mother or an assistant. That was fun, but more on that later.

    When I was born, I had some complications that resulted in a mini stroke. I was lifeflighted and I stayed in a NICU for a week. It was only a week, but I was on oxygen for a couple of days. I have been going to see the same eye doctor for some time now, but the assistant decided to interrogate (in a good way) about what could have caused my vision to be so bad!!! None of the answers we gave her seemed add up.

    I came in at 1:30 this afternoon and got checked in. Shortly after that I was taken back for the run of the mill pre-exam tests such as the air puff for glaucoma. I was then given to a new assistant who put me in a room where there was a white dome I looked in. I had to click a button every time I saw a light flash. That took about 15 minutes and then they went to get my mom so we could wait in a PRIVATE waiting area and be let into an exam room where we would wait another 20 minutes!!! NO JOKE!!! The exam took all of five minutes where she decided that my eyes only changed a 1/2 diopter and a 3/4 diopter ( a measurement for determining your prescription strength).

    During the regular exam where they showed me a bunch of different letters to see how well I could see, my doctor put this rather odd looking thing onto the exam machine. I asked her what it was and are  you ready for her reply? "I am going to implant this and you will become a unicorn, if you believe me, I can tell you more stories." My mom and just about cracked up. I guess I am a unicorn and the thing they put on the machine kind of looked like a horn. It was quite humorous in a stressful situation.

      My doctor then proceeded to dilate my eyes. She gave me the tissues and that was it. She was ready to apply THE DROPS!!! I told her I needed to lay down and that she could create a pool of drops that she would massage in. That tends to help me more and out the door she went.

    Earlier in the day I had reported to the assistant that I had a floater in the eye that I was at risk for retinal detachment. The good news is that I don't have a retina detachment, but I have a floater the size of  the USS Enterprise as she said. It was kind of funny when she was looking at my eye. She was say stuff like, "oh there it goes, with that little tail." It is so weird how this thing essentially swims around up there. I have officially named it bob and he will live there until he multiplies and then settles into a sediment in the bottom of my eye.

     I finally was let free when I was taken into the waiting room where you can browse the glasses frame. I felt like we were really let loose because we had no idea what to do. lol. Fortunately the assistant that normally helps us get frames recognized us and helped us when she was done with her previous client. Let me tell you what, I can't wait to get the glasses because they are pretty much totally j!!!

     Along with getting a new pair of glasses, my doctor decided to finally discuss surgical options with us. Due to my age and my vision, I qualify for one eye to be fixed, but not the other. The procedure is minimally invasive and is only done with local sedation. Ouch!!! They will only do the surgery bilaterally which means that they want to wait until both eyes qualify instead of doing them unilaterally or by themselves. I have to have both my eyes within a half a diopter change for 12 to 24 months before I can get the surgery. My one eye is between 1/2 and 3/4. So Close!!!  They want to do a lensectomy which is essentially the same thing they do for cataracts, but they will give me a lens that is fit to my glasses prescription and then I will wear a pair of glasses 1/10 the strength I wear now. Eventually I will then get lasik to correct the rest!!! If you know me this is a near miracle considering how thick my glasses are.

     My doctor is contacting my other eye doctor to get his last report to see was the next immediate step is if any. I am opting out of the muscle surgery I had ten years ago as it is cosmetic and has some risky side affects that I have already experienced and still live with from the previous surgery. Please just HOPE!!!

...because I have Aspergers

   There have been a lot of things that I thought I would not be able to do through out my life because I have aspergers. When I was a young child, my parents were often told that I would end up in a group home. Today I will be able to live on my own with a husband, a good college degree and job, and possibly even kids, but before high school we didn't know anything.

   I have not limited myself because I have Asperger syndrome. I am a very outgoing person and do anything and everything I want to and can do with no excuses. Now granted, I do take advantage of any extra services I can get because it just increases those abilities, but I use them as tools, not as another part of my disability. I also tend to make excuses after the fact of why something didn't go right. Often times I will blame something I did wrong or the fact that I don't have friends on my Aspergers, but I don't ever say I can't do something.

   On Sunday, I got some pretty upsetting news. My parents have always raised me to be aware of my disability, but don't let it get in harms way. Well truth is it got in my way and it was out of my control. I am not playing a blame game, but this was something someone physically told me. This was told to me right in front of my mother. I can't drive.

   I know many of you know I have a vision impairment that has limited me, but I was evaluated for driving and they said I could. I figured that the only thing that would limit me from driving is my vision. Boy was I wrong. I do have vision issues, but I am able to compensate for them using different strategies. I can't drive because I have Autism.

   Now let me explain. The driving teacher came to my house and before we even went out on the road, she told my mom she thought it wouldn't be a good idea for me to drive. She took me out on road and I drove the worst I ever did because I was shocked; I was shocked that I couldn't drive because I had autism. I know its awful.

   We went out on the road with mother in tow and sure enough the driving instructor was right and I new she was right. Autism causes other processing disorders that are invisible to the eye or ear when you first meet someone. When I tested for driving, my reaction time was great, but that was in a calm setting. When I have multiple stimuli that I need to pay attention to, I can't do it.  I was shot down. Now I am telling myself that I can't drive and that its not worth it.

   The positive thing is that I am not blaming my autism when I do this because its not the first thing comes to mind. I automatically think vision and then I have to correct myself. Its the autism and its never going to be anything else. I CAN'T DRIVE BECAUSE I HAVE AUTISM!!! :(

Where is Mrs. Puff when I need her???

   In college, a lot of people go back to there childhood. This school year we have talked a lot about what shows we liked to watch when we were little. One show that we miss is Spongebob Squarepants. Although this show is still on television it is a kids show. Fortunately my friend got season three at target the other day.

   Does anyone remember Mrs Puff from spongebob? She is the boating instructor at spongebob's school. Well I wish she was real life and I was I was the only care on the road. A couple of weeks ago I got really good news that I was physically capable of driving, but due to my disability we still don't know.

   Unfortunately today I found out that I have a very slim possibility of ever driving and I really need to practice driving, but practice using the  bus system for the worst case scenario. Fortunately I have a Mrs. Puff in my life right now, but she can only help so much.

   One thing that came to mine was that I have a mild disability (ignore the doctors and ovr who say its severe), I have a disability that affects my ability to drive. Today I learned that. During the evaluation last month my reaction time and processing looked great, but when I was on the road, I couldn't process what was going on. I can't process as much as normal people, but I can overcome that to some extent and lead a normal life.

   On the good side because this was stressful, my driving instructor gave me some insight. She told me that the word impossible is basically fake. The word impossible doesn't mean that you can't do it, but that if you put into the work you can be I'm possible. I love that and I want to take that to heart.

   This blog is a place to use as a coping skill. I thought I would share because it was kind of a shock to my day.