Thankfulness

I'm trying something new today. I am going to write what I am thankful for. It is the month of thanks and giving isn't it?

1. I am thankful for my family. They come first and foremost ahead of everything else. My parents have been there to support me through every step of my life. They have supported me in the decisions/choices I have made and they have helped over come the obstacles I have face in my life. I have to give thanks to them because I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for them.

2. I am thankful for Melissa and Dickinson Mental Health. I wouldn't have come as far as I have it it weren't for them. If it meant driving long distance to see the specialists I needed to see to get this far in my life with success, I wouldn't have it any other way. I thank you guys for not only providing services, but reaching out to satellite offices where you can see more clients. I thank you for holding a charity ball that raises money for autism awareness and more services. I thank you for the invitation to the charity ball this year where I was able to share my success. I thank you for supporting my blogging experience and letting me share and advocate for others. I thank  you for letting me instill in others that people on the spectrum can be happy.

3. I am thankful for camp chameleon. Camp chameleon was there for me for 10 years. I will never forget the day when I met my neurologist Dr. Famiglio for the first time. She introduced me to camp and I went until I was to old. I am fortunate enough to give back to those who helped me so much. I am thankful for the experiences you have given me to just be a kid. The experiences you have given me to be in nature. The experiences to be exposed to others with special needs. The experiences that have helped me build my foundation to help others as an adult. You did so much for me. I remember the carnival, and the dog show my first year. I remember the bug treasure hunt in the med shed my second year. I remember making soda/mentos rockets one year. I remember climbing the rock wall for the first time. I remember going down the zipline the first time. I remember the movies we made. I remember when cat in the hat visited my cabin. I remember elmer fud. I remember the gigantic alien that came visited us. I remember the hay rides and the sheriff's house. I remember KJ the guitar lady. I still love her. I remember king joe. I remember the pudding contests. I remember my first time in the tree house. I remember play the drums with K. I remember trick-or treating and J chasing after my rabbit tale. I remember the J trio. I remember the aster egg hunt, the thanksgiving dinner and the unbirthday. I remember when Santa came to visit. I love you all and can't thank you enough.

4. I want to thank big brothers, bit sisters. I will never forget the day my mother called you out of urgency. It was during a time I was struggling. You told us that the wait wouldn't be long. I remember having my intake and thinking how fortunate I was to be able to have a big sister. I remember meeting my big sister. I remember asking if I could have been matched by my birthday. I remember having that wish come true. I remember the great activities I did with my bigs. I remember the picnics. I remember the day we got to meet the women's basketball team. I remember our girls groups. I remember the positive and caring situations I was always placed in with you guys.

5. I want to thank Melissa that has been there all the way for me. Melissa you stepped into my life at just t he right time. I was just starting high school and we didn't know what we were getting into. You were there and you understood me. You understood my family and you understood what we needed. You understood that I was unique and that you could still help me. You were able to give me practical strategies. You were there when you had to leave, to guide us in the right direction. You were there when we didn't want to start traveling. You were there when we decided we wanted to travel. You were there to suggest I start writing a blog. You were there to encourage me through rough times. You were there with your spirits high when I was struggling with driving. You were there.

6. I am thankful for sunny days and there understanding of me. To be blunt and honest, I would probably be fired from any other job if I gave them the crap I give you guys. You were there when I was growing and learning how to deal with people. You pushed me when Iw as stubborn. You were there when you knew things weren't right. You are there to be an advocate and teacher for me. You are there to help me do better. You have a connection with my mom like no other.

7. The creamery is always there for me as a peer oriented job. I thank the creamery for being a more task oriented job. This job is a place to interact with my typical peers and to feel good about myself. You are there as a social outlet. I don't know what I did without you before. Thank you

8. i have to thank the doctors that have kept there cool with my nonsense. I have to thank them for listening to me even when things don't make sense. I need to thank the doctors who think my side affect  complaints are weird, but trust me when I say they are real. The doctors are there to show me that I everything will be okay. They are there to keep me healthy. If I didn't have doctors who listened, I probably wouldn't be sane right now. DARN LAMICTAL

9. I'm thankful for the autism support group on campus. I am thankful for the friends I have made through there. The experiences I have been able to share and learn from are more than I can ask for. I have somewhere that I can go and learn from others just like me. I have a place where I can use clinical terms that people understand because they have the same issues. I have peers that get my sense of humor. I have people to hang out with and who don't care that I am different.

10. I am thankful for my mothers coworker who has saved me form the brink of insanity on a number of occasions. In October of last year she had started working for my mom from our house. A couple days before thanksgiving I had asked if she could bring her kids up to hang out the day before thanksgiving. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving her kids were in a car accident when she called us to let us know she wasn't sure she would make it in. Today her kids are doing great and she did come in for a little bit that wednesday. She decided she had to leave early though which made me upset. She understood me though and knew I struggled with change. She took the effort to let me and her daughter make cookies and then we went grocery shopping. She compromised by taking me to get groceries since she couldn't stay the whole day. She is always there for me and my mother. The trips to the bank and to the grocery store to keep me stimulated. The stays at her house so I could have a break from my own family and since I can't have typical sleep overs. The safety net when my parents are away. The lunches out with my mother and I to the waffle shop and quickie chickie. The McDonald's sweet teas she insists on us getting even though I don't sleep at night. The times when we turn across a 4-5 lane. She is also there to support us when my mothers thinks I am going to be famous due to some reality show. She is there for my mother and I.

11. I'm thankful for so many things in my life. The fact that I have a roof over my head and a family to love me. I have people that care about me and I have hope for the future. I may not have said everything I am thankful for but there are so many things. I have thankfulness in my heart.

Vanishing Pain

    Lately there has been a lot of struggle in my life. Obviously I have the aspergers. I also have anxiety and sleep insomnia. On top of that, if you have followed me for a while, you would know that my seizure disorder has come back. This has been a very painful time for me for several reasons. First off, its awful to have someone tell you that you have a condition that you had outgrown. I have also had help along the way though. One of the best things thats helped me is Camp Victory. Camp victory is a special needs camp for kids of all kinds. There is no place like Camp Victory.

    When I was in third grade, I had met with a new neurologist. As I was leaving her office, she gave me a pamphlet with a huge chameleon on the front. The pamphlet read "Camp Chameleon." It had things that we would do at camp (fishing/boating, Archery, Swimming, Arts/crafts, games, ropes course etc). Along with that, on the one side of the pamphlet, they had a whole list of staff and doctor's who would be at camp. My mom knew right away that this was the place for me.

    I have to say that I was a bit anxious to go away from home. It was only for a weekend, but it was two hours away from home. I had never been anywhere with out my parents or people close to me. I was going head on into this. On the day of the trip, we embarked on our trip. Mom had packed my suitcase with everything I needed. It felt like it was a really far trip, but that's because I was little.

    We got off the high way and headed into the country. I couldn't even imagine what this camp was going to be like. Along the way we talked about what I would be doing. I kept searching for what camp could possibly be like. One of the first signs that I was near camp was a huge pond. I wondered if that was where camp was, but we weren't sure. It was close to camp, but we didn't know. We turned onto the property which was out in the middle of no where. We headed down the road looking for what was next. We finally arrived at the main building and I saw the swimming pool behind it. I knew I was in for a great weekend.

    I hopped out of the car and was greeted by the staff and the doctors. We checked in my medications    and went inside to have some fun. Of course we had to unpack before I did anything fun so we went over to our fully furnished cabins with tiled floors and a bathroom with flushing toilets. it was amazing and they even had bunk beds which thrilled me. The first year was a circus theme. We headed over to the Rec Hall where I saw table after table full of crafts. I was hooked immediately. I was worried about my parents leaving, but all the fun stuff distracted me and I didn't even realize my parents had left. One of the crafts I remember doing my first year was a horse head I painted that we would attach a post to so I could put it in my front garden. I had help from the nicest people from the start. They took me to each station to have some more fun. They were very comforting and caring.

    Later on that evening we were able to take a walk around camp and see what all there was to see. We also played some pretty crazy games with putting shaving cream on our counselors head and then aiming cheetos to throw on them. We also went on a hayride at one point. We had a camp fire where we had an awesome lady named KJ come with her guitar and sing with us. To this day I always miss her along with camp all year. The music took all the pain away and we were able to sing silly songs.

    Before I knew it my parent shad arrived that Sunday. I had a small suitcase full of junk from a carnival we had he day before they arrived. I swear I don't think I have ever seen that much fun stuff for one child over one weekend. We were spoiled To this day we always get some special treat each year of camp we go to. We ended the week with our parents and a lady named K would bring drums in to play with us.

    From that weekend forward I continued to go to this camp for 10 years. I got to the point where I pretty much had memorized some parts of the drive. As soon as I got close to camp, I got really excited. Once we arrived, I would jump out of the car and say see ya to my parents before we wold even unpack. For the last couple of years of camp, I would arrive early because I was so excited. it was family.

    During this weekend, I was in my home away from home. All the agonizing pain of not being accepted for who I was, was gone. I was with people who understood me. I didn't have to be judged for my aspergers nor my epilepsy. I have to tell you, before this weekend, everyone I knew was scared of my seizures. One lady that had a summer camp i went to felt so uncomfortable, that I had to stay in waist high water while swimming with a life jacket on too. I know I couldn't swim, but up to my waist with protection? She was scared I would have a seizure.

My first year of camp, we took a nature walk. When we hit the "forest" the first thing we saw was a rock wall to climb. We weren't allowed to climb it much to our dismay, but we were told that we could do it the following year. Low and behold we were able to do this every year forward. My guess now is that it was just being constructed and evaluated for safety at the time as we have added several new things every year and our camp normally come to early in the summer to experience he new thing until the next year. This year we got an awesome zipline.

We also have a great lake to boat and fish on. We always have fun using our paddle boats on the pond. The only thing that tempts us to get in to trouble is a beautiful fountain in the middle that we like to go under but were not allowed. Its tough work paddling that boat, so sometimes we take a break to catch some fish.

 Every year we have a fabulous camp fie with kj and her guitar. We sing all sorts of fun songs and we also have some favorites. If its rainy we go into the dining hall and use the cozy fire place. We don't let the rain stop us from having fun. How can you have a campfire with out s'mores?

Every year at the end of camp we have a dinner with the families and we get to sit with our friends and their families. We have an awesome award ceremony and every camper gets to feel special. My mom has an awesome business that provides us with a new gift every year. This year below it was a water bottle with camp chameleon on the front. (my specialty camp). One  year I got recognized for being the best rock wall climber and another year I got the award for being the best stick bug maker ( a craft we had at our insect theme week).

And here it is, the rock wall, my favorite. We have three rock walls ranging in difficulty with a cargo net on one side. I always climb the net and the wall. here I am being let down after a successful climb up the net.

here I am with a best bud. He had the same name as me, which I find is pretty cool. He went to camp as long as I did. First year and last year. He is probably the sweetest little guy I have ever met. Of course we are older now, but still. We are only a year apart too. In the background is us getting ready for an unbirthday party for the tenth anniversary of camp itself ( my eighth year).

Tenth year of camp itself again. We got to dress up and go trick or treating at the different cabins and we were split up into groups. This year we got a third camper with our name. Its amazing that out of the 15 campers 1/5 of us had the same name. Pretty cool huh? For years we would distinguish by boy and girl insert name. This year we couldn't do that and the two girls also had the same first initial of our last name too. Made it a little difficult with crafts. I decided since we had the same initials I would say my name and how many years i had been going to camp, but that didn't work either because she was as old as how many years I had gone each year.

My final year at camp. Can you picture anyone else happier? I love this camp. I got my graduation gift from camp and was very enthused. This camp couldn't have done for me than it has. Sadly I am no longer a camper, but fortunately I am still connected to the gang and help out every year now, which mean a lot to me. I am able to give back to something that meant so much to me. I am able to give younger campers the positive experiences I had.

    Two years ago, I was filmed for a documentary for Camp Victory. I got to add my input and my parents did to. They also filmed me having a good time at camp. My parents highlighted how happy I felt at camp. all the pain disappeared for the weekend and to this day I miss camp after the summer is over and can't wait until the next year. If you are interested int eh documentary, which shows how amazing camp is, its called The Camp Victory Story and it is through WVIA a brain of PBS. There is a trailer on youtube and you can by the dvd. Well here is a photo of the camp experiences through the years.

An angel among us!!!

    Today at school, I was sitting in the lawn of our Student Union building. I had just eaten lunch with a friend and I had work in an hour. I bought a little snack and headed outside to enjoy the sun. I ended up laying down and basking in the sun. Here in one of the top ten cloudiest cities in america, we don't take sunny days lightly. I watched as the clouds passed over me and I watched the blue sky change. I finally decided to snap a picture and upload it to facebook with this caption, "God showing his beauty on this glorious day." I put my phone down and continued to love the sun up.

    Of course, since I am addicted to facebook so much, I decided to check for updates a couple minutes later. I got an update saying that the cloud formation I had posted, looked like an Angel. A couple days ago I had just posted on facebook that it was coming up on the two year anniversary of the last time I had seen my grandfather who died the february afterward. I had posted about how different things have been and that my Papa always watches over me and I can really feel it somedays. Low and behold the picture did look like an angel with a face, wings, and the rim of the gown.

    As I was lying on the ground, I was enjoying the sun. The sun always reminds me of heaven when it shines between the clouds. Sometimes I feel like that is god opening heaven up for a bit. Today the sky was blue with a few clouds that I took a picture of. How could I have taken a picture so perfect in the formation of an angel and not realize it. How out of all the formations, did I pick the angel to capture? I didn't even know about it. Could this be God showing me and reassuring with me that my grandpa is up in heaven? Why did I capture this picture and it wasn't someone else that this happened to. I am going through a period of time where I am missing Papa.

    When I saw that comment on facebook, my face lit up and I almost cried tears of joy. It was that ah ha moment when you realize there's something even more than just the sunny picture itself. It was much more powerful with a message behind it. Sunshine is happiness. I don't really spend a lot of time outside to enjoy the sun and the clouds, but on this day I did and on this day I saw my angel up in heaven.
     I have always been a literal thinker which has made religion hard for me as religion is also hard for a lot of people. I always have so many questions surrounding religion and how stuff can happen. I don't pray a whole lot either. My family doesn't pray before we eat our meals or have formal prayer times. I grew up praying for my prayer requests and those around me. As I grew older and facebook emerged, i would just post praying or your in my prayers when someone requested a prayer.  I never really DO pray. I hate saying your in my thoughts because I like to sound like I am more religious than I am, but sometimes maybe I just need to talk to god more and that it doesn't matter what others think; its what god thinks that matters.
      That being said, I do have those God moments. I go through my day to day life and I take care of myself. I need to spend more time focused on my heavenly father who created me. I shouldn't just wait for moments like this to roll around.  I always remember that god knocks and if we answer, he will come in. Well, this time I knocked and I knocked long enough and I think he finally decided to answer!!! :)