Today at school, I was sitting in the lawn of our Student Union building. I had just eaten lunch with a friend and I had work in an hour. I bought a little snack and headed outside to enjoy the sun. I ended up laying down and basking in the sun. Here in one of the top ten cloudiest cities in america, we don't take sunny days lightly. I watched as the clouds passed over me and I watched the blue sky change. I finally decided to snap a picture and upload it to facebook with this caption, "God showing his beauty on this glorious day." I put my phone down and continued to love the sun up.
Of course, since I am addicted to facebook so much, I decided to check for updates a couple minutes later. I got an update saying that the cloud formation I had posted, looked like an Angel. A couple days ago I had just posted on facebook that it was coming up on the two year anniversary of the last time I had seen my grandfather who died the february afterward. I had posted about how different things have been and that my Papa always watches over me and I can really feel it somedays. Low and behold the picture did look like an angel with a face, wings, and the rim of the gown.
As I was lying on the ground, I was enjoying the sun. The sun always reminds me of heaven when it shines between the clouds. Sometimes I feel like that is god opening heaven up for a bit. Today the sky was blue with a few clouds that I took a picture of. How could I have taken a picture so perfect in the formation of an angel and not realize it. How out of all the formations, did I pick the angel to capture? I didn't even know about it. Could this be God showing me and reassuring with me that my grandpa is up in heaven? Why did I capture this picture and it wasn't someone else that this happened to. I am going through a period of time where I am missing Papa.
When I saw that comment on facebook, my face lit up and I almost cried tears of joy. It was that ah ha moment when you realize there's something even more than just the sunny picture itself. It was much more powerful with a message behind it. Sunshine is happiness. I don't really spend a lot of time outside to enjoy the sun and the clouds, but on this day I did and on this day I saw my angel up in heaven.
I have always been a literal thinker which has made religion hard for me as religion is also hard for a lot of people. I always have so many questions surrounding religion and how stuff can happen. I don't pray a whole lot either. My family doesn't pray before we eat our meals or have formal prayer times. I grew up praying for my prayer requests and those around me. As I grew older and facebook emerged, i would just post praying or your in my prayers when someone requested a prayer. I never really DO pray. I hate saying your in my thoughts because I like to sound like I am more religious than I am, but sometimes maybe I just need to talk to god more and that it doesn't matter what others think; its what god thinks that matters.
That being said, I do have those God moments. I go through my day to day life and I take care of myself. I need to spend more time focused on my heavenly father who created me. I shouldn't just wait for moments like this to roll around. I always remember that god knocks and if we answer, he will come in. Well, this time I knocked and I knocked long enough and I think he finally decided to answer!!! :)
Dickinson Mental Health Charity Ball
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
God knows how to CELEBRATE!!!
Today we were supposed to go to surprise 50th birthday party, but those plans to a little messed up. Now don't get me wrong, we did go to the party, but it wasn't as we had planned. I being the weather freak in my family, had to be obsessing over oncoming storms all day. The party started at 4 and it looked like the rain was going to start right at 4!!! Well we ended up getting to the party at 5 and the rain followed us there.
We finally arrived at the party with the rain. Everyone was begging for food and ready to get the party started. One individual decided to quiet us down and we all bowed our heads and prayed for our blessing of food and the weather we had considering it could be worse. Then it was time to get food.
The skies were light and the air was breezy. The rain had stopped for a little bit, but as soon as we managed to form a line the clouds came over the mountains and into the valley. I am pretty sure I have never seen a storm like this. One second it was bright and sunny and the next it was literally as dark as night fall with rain. We all wondered where the thunder and lightning was. Then it came. Now let me remind you this was a 50th birthday party.
As we waited in line, I saw the sky darkening, the trees blowing and I felt the rain brewing. If you read my last blog post you would know that I absolutely hate little rain drops landing on my arm. Think about it this way. Every time a drop of rain falls on my arm, it feels as though I was just startled by something like when you hear a loud noise or something big happens in a movie. That jump out of your seat moment. Thats what every drop is like for me.
If you knew me when I was young, you would know that I was scared to death of thunderstorms. This had to do with sensory issues as a child. When I was in 9th grade I was finally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder which now that I look back, I developed between 5th and 6th grade. When I was in middle school and high school my knowledge of thunderstorms and tornadoes grew which made me even more scared. I eventually got over this fear in probably 10th grade, but I still can't be outside when one is happening.
This spring my anxiety continued to rise again after being under control for a while. I am now scared of thunderstorms more so than I have been over the past few years. No worse than when I was little, but right up there. While waiting in line I had one of those outbursts. God sure knows how to rock the party!!! He celebrated a YOUNG mans birthday by replenishing the earth in an unforgettable way, but man that was not fun.
Before we had left for this party and this thunderstorm/party that god was throwing, I had asked my dad how they were going to keep the tent safe with the wind since I had my eye on the storm. His response: J that isn't going to happen and the wind won't be that bad. Well, I proved him wrong. The girls stood in line and about 50 men must have been standing on the one side of the tent literally holding the darn thing up. That was quite the sight to see.
Since I am already scared of thunderstorms, being outside with the rain, thunder and tent was no joke. This is when I lost it and had a sensory meltdown. The cold wind against my body, the rain drops hitting at any giving time and the tent falling sent me into a sensory meltdown. I was overwhelmed by the idea of a storm, the sensory issues, and the fear of the tent flying across the yard and hurting someone as well as getting struck by a darn lightning bolt and everyone is trying to tell me to calm down??? Hello!!!
In the midst of all of this, the men holding the tent started bursting out in song, singing Happy Birthday. This was quite the seen. We ate our food, dad was drenched and so therefore we went home. Oh no thats not it. Not only did we go home, but we went home to change just to go back out to get a piece of cake!!! Yes, a darn piece of cake. I on the other hand decided to stay home and curl up under my WEIGHTED blanket and listen as the thunderstorms rolled by my nice cozy and SAFE house while they went out to EAT CAKE. I decided to stay home because of the thunder. They said they would bring me back a piece, but you know you can't always have your cake and eat it too. Therefore, I chose to stay home and not eat my cake. I got the coziness of home, but no cake.
I just can't imagine ten years from now looking back on this party!!! God definitely knows how to celebrate with storms replenishing this earth!!! :)
We finally arrived at the party with the rain. Everyone was begging for food and ready to get the party started. One individual decided to quiet us down and we all bowed our heads and prayed for our blessing of food and the weather we had considering it could be worse. Then it was time to get food.
The skies were light and the air was breezy. The rain had stopped for a little bit, but as soon as we managed to form a line the clouds came over the mountains and into the valley. I am pretty sure I have never seen a storm like this. One second it was bright and sunny and the next it was literally as dark as night fall with rain. We all wondered where the thunder and lightning was. Then it came. Now let me remind you this was a 50th birthday party.
As we waited in line, I saw the sky darkening, the trees blowing and I felt the rain brewing. If you read my last blog post you would know that I absolutely hate little rain drops landing on my arm. Think about it this way. Every time a drop of rain falls on my arm, it feels as though I was just startled by something like when you hear a loud noise or something big happens in a movie. That jump out of your seat moment. Thats what every drop is like for me.
If you knew me when I was young, you would know that I was scared to death of thunderstorms. This had to do with sensory issues as a child. When I was in 9th grade I was finally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder which now that I look back, I developed between 5th and 6th grade. When I was in middle school and high school my knowledge of thunderstorms and tornadoes grew which made me even more scared. I eventually got over this fear in probably 10th grade, but I still can't be outside when one is happening.
This spring my anxiety continued to rise again after being under control for a while. I am now scared of thunderstorms more so than I have been over the past few years. No worse than when I was little, but right up there. While waiting in line I had one of those outbursts. God sure knows how to rock the party!!! He celebrated a YOUNG mans birthday by replenishing the earth in an unforgettable way, but man that was not fun.
Before we had left for this party and this thunderstorm/party that god was throwing, I had asked my dad how they were going to keep the tent safe with the wind since I had my eye on the storm. His response: J that isn't going to happen and the wind won't be that bad. Well, I proved him wrong. The girls stood in line and about 50 men must have been standing on the one side of the tent literally holding the darn thing up. That was quite the sight to see.
Since I am already scared of thunderstorms, being outside with the rain, thunder and tent was no joke. This is when I lost it and had a sensory meltdown. The cold wind against my body, the rain drops hitting at any giving time and the tent falling sent me into a sensory meltdown. I was overwhelmed by the idea of a storm, the sensory issues, and the fear of the tent flying across the yard and hurting someone as well as getting struck by a darn lightning bolt and everyone is trying to tell me to calm down??? Hello!!!
In the midst of all of this, the men holding the tent started bursting out in song, singing Happy Birthday. This was quite the seen. We ate our food, dad was drenched and so therefore we went home. Oh no thats not it. Not only did we go home, but we went home to change just to go back out to get a piece of cake!!! Yes, a darn piece of cake. I on the other hand decided to stay home and curl up under my WEIGHTED blanket and listen as the thunderstorms rolled by my nice cozy and SAFE house while they went out to EAT CAKE. I decided to stay home because of the thunder. They said they would bring me back a piece, but you know you can't always have your cake and eat it too. Therefore, I chose to stay home and not eat my cake. I got the coziness of home, but no cake.
I just can't imagine ten years from now looking back on this party!!! God definitely knows how to celebrate with storms replenishing this earth!!! :)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Taking Gods Lead
As a child, there were many different things that I wanted to be when I grew up including a carpenter, a teacher, an actress, and now an occupational therapist, but I feel that god has other plans. The one occupation that stuck in my head for quite some time as a child, was to be an elementary school teacher. I thought that grading was so fascinating, but people told me that, that was too unstructured. I was told to pick something like a librarian, but then my interests really started to show.
I know the other week I told you all that I hate being told I can't do something because of a disability. I never took that to heart when I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I just new I needed to work harder and that I could still do it. One suggesting that hit the right spot in my heart was to be an occupational therapist. I was able to help people who had a disability and people new I had a passion for it. There it was, a dream job that we all agreed on.
Today I still want to be an occupational therapist, but I need to think about whether that is what god wants me to do. I still plan on applying to college and getting a degree, but at the same time, god is telling me something else. I feel that it is important to work hard at something you want to do, but never put 100 percent of all your effort into something in case you don't like it. I have been fortunate for other doors to open up.
The occupational therapy job is still a possibility, but when I say god is leading me somewhere else, I mean that he is giving me options that are too good to be true. I am getting offers for other ideas without even trying. If you want to do something you need to try, but if god wants you to do something, it does take work, but it comes more naturally. At this point I am being drawn towards public speaking and writing a book.
These two things don't come from liking fame, but the mere fact that I am getting attention that makes others happy and lets me know there is more out there. I am not trying to get this attention, but people are giving it to me. This blog has gained attention from my doctors and from there bosses. This blog has been shared through emails. I have been invited for three short speaking engagements in the past two months. I am at a loss right now.
The other option is to become an author. Many have told me that I connect the two worlds: the autism world and the normal world. People have loved my writing which has lead to me wanting to right a book and others to want me to speak. I think this is a time to pray and let myself go with the flow.
I know the other week I told you all that I hate being told I can't do something because of a disability. I never took that to heart when I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I just new I needed to work harder and that I could still do it. One suggesting that hit the right spot in my heart was to be an occupational therapist. I was able to help people who had a disability and people new I had a passion for it. There it was, a dream job that we all agreed on.
Today I still want to be an occupational therapist, but I need to think about whether that is what god wants me to do. I still plan on applying to college and getting a degree, but at the same time, god is telling me something else. I feel that it is important to work hard at something you want to do, but never put 100 percent of all your effort into something in case you don't like it. I have been fortunate for other doors to open up.
The occupational therapy job is still a possibility, but when I say god is leading me somewhere else, I mean that he is giving me options that are too good to be true. I am getting offers for other ideas without even trying. If you want to do something you need to try, but if god wants you to do something, it does take work, but it comes more naturally. At this point I am being drawn towards public speaking and writing a book.
These two things don't come from liking fame, but the mere fact that I am getting attention that makes others happy and lets me know there is more out there. I am not trying to get this attention, but people are giving it to me. This blog has gained attention from my doctors and from there bosses. This blog has been shared through emails. I have been invited for three short speaking engagements in the past two months. I am at a loss right now.
The other option is to become an author. Many have told me that I connect the two worlds: the autism world and the normal world. People have loved my writing which has lead to me wanting to right a book and others to want me to speak. I think this is a time to pray and let myself go with the flow.
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