"Do I laugh more than most people", I asked my mother a couple days ago. We were sitting in the car on our way home from shopping. It was a really gloomy day and I felt kind of down, but I was giggling. My mom told me that she thought I did and that I was happier than most people, but I don't quite get that. I mean I have Aspergers, anxiety, vision impairments, seizures and so many other issues that I have to deal with. How could I be happier than others? I can think of other people that I know who have said the same thing, but I feel the same about them. So really do we know the true meaning of happiness?
I've always gotten my mom's jokes and we are close friends. We may have had our struggles through my teenage years, but now we can count on each other to be there for everything. Just tonight we were sitting in the car next to each other holding hands. The simple feeling of touch from a loved one is so powerful. When I asked the original question, this is what my mom told me. I always laugh at her jokes. I feel like I laugh at her jokes, but does that show what I am really feeling on the inside.
As human beings we all have our struggles and we develop coping skills. I personally have had to battle an anxiety disorder over the years and I have found ways to cope with it. Anxiety brings stress, but I guess I am a happy person. One thing I can say is that I am not a sad person. The only time I'm really sad is when its gloomy outside for days. That means I was pretty gloomy on Sunday because it was awful out.
I wasn't diagnosed with Aspergers until I was sixteen years old. I was going through a rough time with huge meltdowns. My parents decided they needed to meet with my psychologist by themselves and they did. During that appointment, my psychologist brought up aspergers as in the past she didn't think I had it. We went through the diagnostic process and I do have it. The one statement that always stands out though is that she said yes, she has aspergers, but she's a happy aspie. I am happy, but am I really happier than others?
Those were questions I have always had. I feel like I am happier than some people, but others are still happier than me. Yesterday we were purchasing some items at JCpenny's and Mario and Luigi from all the nintendo games casually walked in the store. I started cracking up as that was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Mario and Luigi in JCPenny's Of course, I still have not learned to not interrupt so I interrupted my mother when she was in the middle of a transaction to show her. My mother and the cashier thought I was crazy. I'm sure! Our JCPenny's is split into several sections and its east to walk a circle around it. Mario and Luigi finally came back around and I was able to show my mother and prove to everyone that I wasn't seeing anything. I was so shocked that out of my pure dork-side I asked to get my picture taken with them. They obliged and we got a picture. I was happy and giggly. That picture made my day and automatically went to facebook!!!
After the Mario and Luigi incident I have to take a look at my personal situation again and realize that maybe I am happier than most. Yes, I have struggles, but we all do. My struggles are just labelled which isn't always a good thing. I unlike many am able to look at the little things in life and laugh at them. Others it may take more. I'm not suggesting that my mother isn't a happy person, but she would never get her picture taken with them in a million years or put on a burger king crown and act like a kid even though she is an adult when she is with me and my1cent! Its just an example.
Maybe happiness isn't black and white, but maybe its big and small. Maybe happiness can be smaller than I see it. I saw happiness as a cheerful voice and laughter, but maybe happiness is just the pure joys you get out of life. The little things. Let me tell you I was bored to death at the mall, but I'm pretty sure Mario and Luigi made my day!!! Make the small things count!!!
