Social skills have never come easy to me, but over the past two years I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by wise people who have taught me some of the most important lessons regarding social interactions and emotional coping. Last year I lived with an amazing Resident Assistant who taught me multiple lessons and this year I was blessed to have a Resident Coordinator who was wise beyond her years.
Last year, I was placed in the same pod as an extremely talented and gifted RA named Eileen. Within our wing and floor of the building, there were four other individuals who just so happened to be on the Autism Spectrum. this made for some difficult situations and a lot of intense emotions. What made the situation more complicated was that I lived right across the hall from the individual who I was mentoring through the Office of Disability Services.
Due to the intense emotions and multiple meltdowns between us, there were a lot of lessons to be learned and Eileen was our leader as we worked through these tough situations. Often times, when there was a rule broken or someone else was upset, I would begin to intervene or get extremely worked up myself. After watching how Eileen would interact with these individuals and myself, I gained a lot of insight. One of the most valuable lessons was taught to me when my mentee would become extremely impulsive or would act out and I immediately wanted to do something about it. Eileen showed me that sometimes others have to work through those situations themselves and those who are on outside should only intervene if someone was in danger or trouble.
The second thing she taught me was to be quiet and think before I spoke. She was an amazing role model with very few words. It's not that she couldn't speak, but she was able to get her message across with out explaining everything. She taught me that some of the most powerful messages or conversations are conveyed with very few words. This has allowed me to think more before I speak and "dabble" in conversations instead of taking a whole conversation over.
While Eileen taught me a lot of lessons, my Resident Coordinator taught me some invaluable lessons as well. Given the extreme need to help everyone or "fix" everyone up when they were upset, I would constantly be observing others emotions. One day, as I was sitting in the Residence Life office, my Coordinator Cathy walked in. I could tell that she was stressed, which automatically made me start to worry. I questioned if she was okay and she said something about being tired or stressed. I expressed to her that sometimes I just expect everyone to be happy and I don't like seeing people upset. With this, she made one of the most profound statements I have ever heard. "If you don't have a rough day sometimes, you won't be able to enjoy the good days". This taught to live more in the moment and enjoy the happiness and work through the tougher emotions.
Later on during the year, I was talking with my coordinator and I had asked her something about what her siblings did for a living. She told me she had no idea, she never asked and didn't really care to know. Originally one would expect that to be a pretty strong statement, but she is the only one in her family who had gone to college. She doesn't worry about others because she worries about herself and what makes her happy. That small statement about how she didn't care what her siblings did for a living, showed me that I can't feed off of what others are feeling or what others are going through. I can care about others, but that doesn't mean I have to feel what they are going through. I need to take care of myself and do what makes me happy before I worry about others. If I have room to worry about others, then I can.
These last two years have taught me so much about myself and the world around me. I can't wait to see what the next two years have in store.
