A Piece Of Shit

    After recovering from last week, I was ready to hit this week on a good note. I tried my best and I did succeed in some ways. In other ways, I failed. I failed miserably and right I feel like every peer I know currently views me as some piece of shit and I'm not entirely sure why. All I want to do is cry and cuddle up with my mother because clearly no one else cares about me, like my own family does.
    After the Habitat trip, my parents took me home to recover and I absolutely loved it. I was attached to my mothers hip the whole weekend and we spent good quality family time. I was able to rest up and be ready for my week of school. I got back on Sunday, got settled in my room and went to classes on Monday. I woke up Tuesday, with a migraine, went to my Anatomy lab and almost fainted while working with blood. Other than that, Tuesday wasn't too bad.
    Wednesday, I started talking to, asking what their plans were for the weekend. Everyone was either having a boyfriend up or had a bunch of work to do. I wanted to go see a comedian Friday night and I asked around to see if people wanted to go. At this point, everyone was either sick, had too much work or still had a boyfriend over.
     Friday night, after asking about last chances to go see the comedian with all no's, the people who had too much work to do all went out and had Rita's. I wasn't invited at all, even though I had mentioned that I would love to hang out and do something this weekend. So much for getting their school work done. To add to this, I asked one friend if she wanted to go and she said she was sick. I suggested we do something Saturday and her reply was, "I don't know, who knows who else will ask me to do something tomorrow!" My jaw dropped at this point. How could someone turn someone down in hopes of someone better asking them to do something later.
     I finally got someone to hang out with me Friday night. We didn't go the comedian, but we had fun anyway. After going to Starbucks, we swung back by my room to pick up a game. When I moved the game box on my shelf it made a nasty sound like that of nails on a chalk board. My friend and I both giggled and were promptly told to shut up by other who were also causing a ruckus in the pod. I didn't misinterpret this because my neurotypical friend promptly rolled her eyes and told me I had a place to stay at her apartment if I ever needed somewhere to stay.
     Today, I ended up going to a movie with a couple of people from one of the clubs I was in. It was a good time and we had dinner afterward. Then I touched base with a friend who I thought was a best friend. She said she had a ton of homework to do today so she couldn't hang out. I touched base to see if she wanted a break tonight and she is out drinking with friends. I was surprised she was doing this, so I was curious who she was with. Now, I wish I hadn't asked. The whole group from Habitat is out having fun celebrating someone else's birthday except for me. I never got the invite. People know I don't like drinking, but that doesn't mean you can't invite me and have me say no or maybe even yes and I can get a non-alcoholic drink and an appetizer.
     I've pretty much had it with people, and I'm not really sure who my true friends are after this weekend. Every one including those who I thought were my best friends have turned me down. Thank goodness I go home next weekend.

Testing The Limits

    A few months back, I had discussed the fact that there were a ton of opportunities coming my way. Well, now they have come and gone. Back in February I applied for a position on campus, working for their summer youth program that is similar to new student orientation. I was waiting for acceptance into the program until this week. Also back in February, I found out about a service trip that would take part over my spring break. That happened this week too.
    The spring break trip to New York started off my spring break week on a positive note. I headed to New York with some people I knew and some I didn't. We slept in a church at night and worked for Habitat for Humanity during the day. When we arrived at the church, we were greeted by a crowd of families that we would be helping. The families were having a community dinner while we unpacked our belongings. Later that night, we were taken out for a special dinner at an Indian Restaurant.
     Monday started off great and I was ready to learn. We worked on drilling holes in the would panels of the ceiling to eventually hang wire for insulation. After our day was done, we went back to the church, grabbed our shower stuff and headed to a local college where we showered. After our showers, we went over to our supervisors apartment for dinner. Nothing was in the same place as you see.
    Tuesday we woke up and started our day. We went down to the "farm" where we moved tons of styrofoam into a van to be transported. This took all day, with multiple trips. Tuesday night, we grabbed pizza and headed out to New York City for the night. Since it was night, it was hard to see stuff, but it was still fun. We ended up walking about three or four miles. I also got to see grand central terminal.
    Wednesday, I hit a brick wall. I was fine all day and worked hard moving trash into a dumpster at the "farm" which was really just a plot of land with garbage on it. That day I started getting really tired and that night I ended up having a possible seizure. I didn't tell anyone though since it was the middle of the night, something the doctors don't really know what to think of and I was embarrassed.
     Thursday, I hit the ground running on pure exhaustion. By this point, I had already had enough with the living situation. It's really hard to live with people you don't know for a week. That night, I also ended up having another seizure like episode. At that point, I woke up the next morning, my body feeling weak and tired. That night, I called my mom because I was scared, especially having two episodes two nights in a row.
     Friday I got up and got ready. Rumor spread quickly about what had happened that night, since I did get help and borrowed someone's cell phone. I took it easy in the morning and then I took a nap in the car while they worked for an hour and a half in the afternoon. My hopes were I wouldn't have another seizure that following night. While in the car, I checked my email and found out I didn't get the job on campus that I had hoped for. That was the icing on the cake.
     Later that day, my parents decided they needed to come get me because I needed to recover at home instead of in the dorm as we headed home friday night. I finally got home after sleeping on a cot all week to sleep in my own bed. I woke up this morning, went to breakfast with my parents and have been lazy all day today.
     The doors that God had opened for me a couple months ago, were awesome experiences. The tested my limits like I never expected and I learned so much. I learned how important it was to work as a team, how important it was to take care of myself, and that I don't want to live in a city. I saw some of the hardest things I have seen and some of the dirtiest streets I've seen. This week, I was about ready to give up, but I didn't and I pushed through. Now that I look back, I am proud of it! I will always test the limits to learn and to explore. Nothing can hold this girl back.