Enough

    "Study: 'Significant' statistical link between mass murder and autism, brain injury", the title flashing across my screen read. "Damn it", I thought as I read this and automatically thought about Adam Lanza and the tragedy that not only killed 26 individuals living in Conneticut, but emotionally hurt millions of people across the U.S. who suffer from Aspergers on a daily basis. I was really ticked off when this article from the Washington post hit the internet. I looked at the article was flabbergasted. I already had an inkling something was going on after seeing numerous autism "pages" on Facebook reporting about such ignorant information.
     I can handle a lot and I was able to handle this article that came out, but it took me a little to get over it. Of course, the people who come back to me on facebook about my hurt feelings are those that want to Take Action, which I just can't do. I'm not going to write to a national journal/post about my opinion and think that they are actually going to do something about. No way!!!
     I will take you back 24 hours hours to the prior morning where I was cordially invited to a committee meeting for local autism programming for adults. I was the "story of hope" that is hopefully going to propel these programs along. I was ecstatic to be at this meeting which coincidentally involved the Program Director from the Autism Program I was treated at through high school. These people came an hour and a half for this meeting which also involved people from a local special needs program for adults and people from our local University. The meeting lasted longer than I could attend, but I was able to express myself and I will be able to do the same at future meetings. Needless to say autism was already on my mind when this article came out.
     Fast-forward 24 hours after the Washington Post article. That very next day, the articles start popping up about Elliot Rodgers, the suspect in the California Massacre. Elliot Rodgers is said to have Aspergers and this is why he went and killed people. Since he had Aspergers, he had no friends and so therefore had to kill people for revenge. This puts Autism in the light once again on a negative note! I sit here today nearly in tears, unable to sleep because of this.
      No one fully understands what it is like to have Aspergers and have people misunderstand you. Asperger's is part of my identity and up until this point I have been proud of it. I don't know if that should be the case anymore though. Right now I am heartbroken and I don't know where I belong. I can't hide my Autism and then when your asked what's wrong with you or why you act a certain way, there is nothing that can be said.
     What about future employment? The interpersonal skills I have are good, but they sure aren't perfect and sometimes I need help at work. I need a boss to understand where I am coming from. What about those moments when I freak out? I can't tell them I have Aspergers anymore? Up until this point I've been able to share such information after my bosses get to know me and if/when a situation comes up.
     Let me put it to you this way. For every individual who is declared to be a mass murderer and has been labelled with Asperger's by the media, that will increase the likelihood of another individual with Autism to commit suicide or act in a harmful manner. By no means am I saying that this is me, but it does kill your self-esteem. If I wasn't so open and able to relate to others in the autism community who understand my point of view, I don't know where I would be today. I want to show the world what Aspergers is and that I am happy and successful. Autism is not a demon and Autism is not a crime.

P.S.
    I'm sitting here right now with 100mg of Hydroxazine (prescribed by my doctor) in my body just so I can sleep tonight. This is not because I have sleep insomnia, nor is it because I have an anxiety disorder. It's because I have autism and I feel threatened by society. I want to cry right now and I don't know what my future holds. I sit here with thoughts racing through my head and I've had ENOUGH!!! Damn you Adam Lanza!!! Damn you Eliott Rodgers!!! Damn you mental health system that fails us!!! #autismisnotacrime!!!