I've been in school for two weeks now and I have already learned so much. I've even learned a lot about myself. Guess what? The meltdowns have been a little bit closer together, but it's not anxiety, it's growth. I'm going through a social/emotional growth spurt again!!! I'm learning so much and I have so many goals that I'm working on right now. Some of the goals that I'm working on, include meeting people half way, building social and emotional stamina, and being able to read my body more clearly and learn new copings kills.
Ever since I've been at college, I've been extremely socially active. I go to events on campus all the time, but I always seem to go alone. The actual activity of going has kept me going; it hasn't been the friends that I've made. This summer I met with my Vocational Rehabilitation counselor and we set some goals. One of the goals we set was to meet people half way when it comes to what activities I participate in. Last year, I would often times eat alone because I wanted to eat on my own time and I would always go to events I wanted to go to, not events others wanted to go to. For example, I never wanted to go to the gym at 8 o'clock at night, but I'd love to go see a comedian. Sometimes my pod mates would want to go to an event, but it would be when I had to get school work done. This year I'm finally going to events with my pod mates. Today we're having a little league party and watching a game on television. I'm not a baseball fan, but I want to be with my people.
A large goal that I have been working on is building social and emotional stamina. I've always been an outgoing people person, but I also like to go back to my room to reboot sometimes. In past years I've been able to do that. This year, it hasn't been as easy. I started my first part-time job as a full-time college student and I'm involved in a lot of clubs on campus. I'm also mentoring new students. It's all been great, but it doesn't give me much free time. When there is an event in the evening as there has been every night since I've started, I always want to go. Sometimes though, I end up melting down from exhaustion and the tears just come. Our school has an even every night for the first 3 weeks to get us acquainted with campus. I hate saying no to the events because I don't want to miss out on anything. This in turn has run me into the ground and then I ask myself why I'm crying for no reason at my age. My RA has been a tremendous help in helping me understand that I am going through a lot of changes. Among those many changes are of course the busy schedule, but most of my friends have graduated and my parents are in the middle of a big move.
Coping with all the changes and excitement has been pretty tough, but I'm learning how to read my body a lot better. I've always been someone who over analyzes everything so I'm acutely aware of how my body works and how Asperger's affects me. I've learned a lot of coping strategies. When I work at the ice cream shop, I try to work on tasks such as stocking things instead of doing something that requires multitasking when I'm overwhelmed. In school this year, I haven't been reading my body well enough to realize that I'm exhausting it. I'm trying to teach myself that sometimes i need a break. After the second meltdown I had this year, I finally decided that I really do need to say no to things. Finally, last night there were 2 or 3 different events I wanted to go to. They were all back to back. I finally decided that I could go to all of the events, but I needed to go for short durations and take breaks if I were to make it to the end. I got to spend quality time with some friends I haven't seen for a while and then I got an hour break before the last event. I rocked it last night!
As the year moves forward, I'm sure I will learn so much more about myself. One of the biggest things I have learned, is that a nice walk in the fresh air can help with anything. I can't wait to see how God allows me to grow over this new school year! :)
