Another medication that is and I am not happy about it!!! This time, it wasn't how I felt, but what my medical records showed and the excessive weight I have gained in recent WEEKS!!! I have been struggling for a year with this roller coaster and I have about had it. I really don't want to experience the psychiatric symptoms I have experienced in the past.
Last week, I was at a camp for kids with traumatic brain injury. The week went great, but it was absolutely mentally and physically exhausting. I hardly had time to take care of myself, but it was so worth my time to give other kids a week of excitement. It was also really cool to connect with other counselors who had brain injuries since I had a stroke when I was born. It was also a place where I didn't have to worry about being embarrassed if I had a seizure. I was in a safe and understanding place. I was surrounded by medical professionals.
I came home from camp on Friday. We didn't get home until 7:30 or 8 o'clock that night because our car about died on us. It sounded like a motor boat the whole way home. Fortunately I think its okay now, but it was quite a ride with my mother who isn't a fan of driving long distance to begin with. She did really well though. Of course Saturday I had to wake up and go back to work. There was NO BREAK!!!
My week has continued with work Sunday, Monday, today and for the rest of the week. Fortunately I have Saturday and Sunday to myself. We're going camping for the day on Saturday, but hopefully Sunday I will get some sleep. In the mean time lets refer back to what I said in the first paragraph. Amidst this chaos, I am also weaning off my seizure medication and fatigue a serious trigger for my "seizures". I just haven't felt myself since I have arrived home from camp.
Right now I am just frustrated. There are so many decisions to make. I constantly have to monitor side affects now. I thought the side affects that were important would be way more obvious, but they are more subtle. I have to pay attention to which side affects I'm going to deal with too. I'm not going to lay in bed all night with no sleep and be manic during the day. I'm also not going to get fatter than I already am. I also have to really think about whether its worth being on medication, but my neurologist seems to think its vital. My mother and I disagree. For some reason all my doctors act as if I could have some huge grand mal any time even though I haven't had one in ten years and they don't know how frequent the seizures are. I beg to differ and they only happen once or twice a year.
The conclusion to this is that I will be starting on a new medication two weeks before I move away to college. I didn't start acting giddy until a week into my Lamictal trial. My attention span was gone by week two and things continued through week six or seven. There is no way we are going to know the side affects until after school starts. I feel insecure about leaving home unstable, but I have to do it. I wasn't able to function in the fall and if it were for understanding boss' I would've been jobless by now. Here's to a good transition to a new medication and college!!!
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