I know its been a while since I have left you all a blog entry. Don't worry I am still alive. The past week or so has been pretty rough. I think I have been doing some growing and I am ready to stretch a little bit, but I am not sure how to do it. This has ended emotional outbursts and rebellion.
It started about two weeks ago. I was told by my best friend that she had made plans to hang out with another friend of mine. I have always grown up knowing to not mention names when you are hanging out with someone. Its just rude and can hurt others. This friend told me the name of her friend and it upset me. My friend is a bit popular in our class and I was jealous which ended in an outburst. It continued later on that week when I had another episode. I think its that I am growing and stretching, but I don't know how to react.
With the growth spurt, comes a new interest in making friends. I want to have friends. I kept using the word normal peers and neurotypical peers with my teachers, but maybe that isn't the right way of putting it. In the end I was finally able to express my general need for more friends. It was one of those moments where a person is just supposed to shout something out. If you have ever seen Supernanny, you know what I mean. That shouting that happens when you just need to get something off your chest. I just shouted, I NEED FRIENDS, I WANT FRIENDS. That was pretty much the end of that.
This week has been pretty typical with nothing to extraordinary. I went to my classes and hung out with my classmates. It was normal. Today I had to go to work. I love going to work. I work with some of the happiest individuals one would run into. Every once in a while you get a chance to talk with your coworkers and i have that opportunity today.
Guess what I did!!!! I asked that coworker if she wanted to hang out after work sometime next week. She is also only 1 year older than me which is perfect. Normally I hang out with people who are too old or too young or people who I just don't fit in with, but today I took a stand. I am going out to dinner with my coworker. Did I just say coworker? Yes, I just said coworker. I am holding down a good job and making friends with my coworkers.
Over the years I have been bullied and scared of my peers. I have covered my self with the aspergers diagnosis, but no I am J and I have friends. I have people who see through that. I am working so hard and I feel that I have come a long way. this might be a small step in the right direction, but its a step and I am proud. I should be.
Yay! This is something I have to learn how to do, too. It seems so simple, doesn't it? But it's that first step that is all too difficult.
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