Justifying My Right

     I don't know how to come out and really talk about something so controversial. Right now I am trying to justify why I did something; I'm trying to lie to myself that something I did was completely appropriate even though it wasn't. I'm not a naughty girl, but right now I feel like I am. I got Cards Against Humanity for Easter and I really wanted it too.
      Over the past couple weeks, I have been trying to recover some of my friendships. In the mean time, I didn't seem to have things in my possession that would make others happy. Sitting in my room all semester, I have had a game of Apples to Apples, Phase 10, Othello, and Skip-Bo. Never once have I brought anything inappropriate or absurd into my room. One of the ways I have reached out to others is by asking if they want to play a game. When asked what I have, I simply list off the games that I have and most often suggest a game of Apples to Apples. The automatic response I get is, "do you have Cards Against Humanity." I abruptly answer no, trot of to my room and turn to Facebook friends  to see if they have a copy in my own desperation. They never have.
     My parents decided that it would be good for the Easter Bunny to bring this game for me. I was thrilled that it was in my Easter basket. I knew right away that I was going to bring this game right up to school and play it with my friends. Now that I have the game and now that I am asking others if they want to play, they are suggesting that its inappropriate. These are obviously different friends.
      From a religious perspective I feel absolutely horrible. I don't do drugs, get tattoos or do anything else rally "bad". If I even swear people laugh at me because they aren't used to hearing me swear. Someone gave me a horrible scenario then when they found out that I owned the game. The scenario was the following, "how would you feel if Jesus felt it was his time to come meet us on earth again and he saw you playing this game?" I sat there trying to come up with a good argument or a good excuse as to why it was okay that I had this game. In the end, I feel defeated.
     Point number one I want to make in my defense though is that I struggle to make and keep friends and if I have this game I think I actually may win friends even though I'm not influencing people. The other year my mother let me purchase a Vera Bradley backpack purely to fit in even though it was a whopping $110. Seriously I am a Christian who has morals and beliefs, but sometimes those have to be broken to have friends which leads me to point two.
      When I discussed with friends that I felt this way they suggested that I don't need any friends and that all I need is God and Jesus. In my defense, yes this may be true, but it still begs a question. In the end all we need is him, but aren't we supposed to interdepend on each other AND Jesus? I sure don't want to live in solitary confinement. I think we all need friends, but they have to be friends who have a good influence, which is hard for me to find.
       When I discussed this with another individual she suggested once again that I should find other friends. Then I begged to differ by telling her that it was nearly impossible to find good Christian friends when you have Autism. It's hard to find good any type of friend when you have autism. Her reply back was, "then you'll be in the majority with every other christian loner out there. Join the crowd." I was extremely displeased by this statement because I thrive off of socializing.
     One last point I want to mention is that we all sin and no one sin is greater than any other. Then someone justified this by saying yes that is true, but as Christians it's not a matter of not purposely sinning, but trying not to sin and becoming more like Jesus.
     I can't seem to justify myself right now. I do very little inappropriate things and I think I will stick with this. No sin is greater than another. I may know I am sinning, but we are all dirty rags anyway. Maybe someday when people learn how to treat me properly and have a good Christian heart, I will hang out with different people, but right now I have my Christian friends and my dorm friends. The dorm friends I coexist/live with and have no choice but to be influenced by them as I want to fit in. I need to conform so I don't face negative sanctions.
     

Bullies!

     We think of bullies as big kids in grade school who beat up on the innocent during recess. That is far from the truth. We also think that bullies only exist in grade school and then they magically grow up. This to, is not the case or at least based on recent experiences. I went on spring break, came back and everyone went bat shit crazy. They came back from break and realized that they could see the light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel being the end of the semester.
      I understand that people have problems living with others for so long and everyone has done a good job, up until about now. After break ended, I started getting excluded from things. Friends of mine are starting to drink for their enjoyment and I prefer not too. In the mean time, I have had to look at who my real friends are. Some I have kept, others I have backed away from. We are all trying to figure things out.
      There are the little arguments people get into and then there is straight out be stupid and being a bully. Friday morning was the icing on the cake. As many people know, I absolutely love working on puzzles. I keep a puzzle out in my common area which is shared by a wing in my dorm. There are tables out there that I keep my puzzles on. Well in the insanity of this place, someone decided to take three of my puzzles, dump the puzzle pieces on the table, scramble the pieces up and put them back in boxes. That is 3000 pieces of puzzle mixed together and evenly distributed between three boxes.
     I can understand if someone is mad at me, but to just do it out of stupidity, is utterly ridiculous. Now during the month of autism awareness, I am left with out a single puzzle to de-stress with after a long day. Each puzzle costs about $15 and there are three of them. That is nearly $50 worth of puzzles. The people who did this, don't even know me, but they lost their mind and decided to mess with others stuff and be bullies. They decided to take their frustration out on others, just little things, but enough to disrupt someone. In the mean time, not only were the puzzles destroyed, but there were chairs and couches flipped. Did I say crazy?