Often times we think about going to a therapist because we have a mental illness. We need someone to help us with it and "fix" us, but sometimes we just need to go. As of Thursday, I have officially decided to start seeing a therapist again, not because of my anxiety disorder, but because Shit happens. I don't think I have had a smooth week since the beginning of March to be perfectly honest.
I went to see my psychiatrist on Thursday for my regular check up. I told him school went well and then I started sharing my sob story and literally started to bawl in his office which I never do. Long story short, he looks at me and tells me he doesn't think i need a medicine change, but I need a therapist to talk to. Boy was he right and I wasn't going to complain. I was hoping that was what he was going to say. After the appointment, I checked out and scheduled and app for a therapist. Low and behold, I was able to get in that afternoon.
My psychiatrist has me on medication for a generalized anxiety disorder and that wasn't the problem. The problem was that shit happened, I developed emotions and I don't know how to react to this new bag of tricks/emotions that are being thrown at me. I hesitated at first to go see a therapist, but I knew I needed to. I told my psychiatrist that whoever I saw better not continually repeat,"so how do you feel about that" and "so what your saying is...". The psychiatrist took a post-it note and wrote down three therapist names and told us to contact them in that order. I got into our first choice even though she's pretty full.
Anyway, back to this whole things happen deal. In march, spring break was the breaking point for everyone before they went bat shit crazy. There were not only 8 weeks left for the semester, but 8 weeks left for the whole school year. Everyone decided they were done and therefore they didn't have to get along with anyone. I had games "stolen" and given back, I had puzzles torn apart and mixed together and a slew of other things I'm not going to go into detail about. This stuff continued to happen until the end of the school year. Once school was over, then it was all the media's fault. The Washington Post had to moronic and post ridiculous articles about the rate of homicide or mass murderer's among the Asperger's population and Elliott Rodgers ticked every aspie on this planet off.
Following those two things and remembering Adam Lanza, the Slenderman story came out. I hit the ground in tears praying to God that the girls involved in this incident didn't have Asperger's too. An article came out shortly after stating that one of them had a mental illness. Yippeee!!! :( In the middle of all of this, two people who I used to work with sadly passed away.
Now were at the end of May and the beginning of June. I get the stomach bug and I'm out of commission for a whole week. I come back from camp and I find out that I didn't get into the Occupational Therapy program at school, which made me mad at myself that I didn't do better. Now I sit here and my friend is in the ICU fighting to have a "normal" life/future ahead of her. Among this, there are so many other things that I could share, but are just too deep and too personal too share, but I think this is enough to get the picture. Oh and now I'm down and hopefully not out of commission with a cold.
Needless to say, I just need to have one smooth week. Most people may be thinking that things just happen in life and we have to get over them, but when you grew up having minimal empathy and you go threw an emotional growth spurt, you don't always know what to do with yourself and sometimes you need some help learning how to cope again. For example, I don't typically cry when someone dies, but the past two times it happened, I got quite upset.
When I finally met up with this new therapist, she actually told me straight up how it was and asked lots of question ranging from religion, to medical history and everything in between. So far she's a keeper and I hope to grow a lot over the summer even if I got to this point because shit happened!!!
