I always tell people that my mom grew up Jewish, my dad grew up Catholic, and I was raised Christian. After making such a statement, I’m typically confronted with a statement or question back pertaining to the fact that no matter what, I'm Jewish by default since my mother is Jewish. In the end, it really doesn't matter what my descent is; it matters how I was raised and what I believe. I was raised Christian and I believe that Jesus is the Messiah. Given these facts, there are certain rules and beliefs that one follows as is the case in any religion.
One belief that I have always been raised with is the belief that lying is a sin. In fact, I pretty much grew up thinking that as long as I didn't lie, I didn't sin. Then came the tween years and the teen years when I had to learn the difference between a lie and a fib. I had to learn the difference between a lie and a white lie. Lie's in general were not okay, but a white lie was fine because it meant that you were getting the job done or you were covering up something so that others feelings were not hurt. For example, getting excited about a gift you receive even though you already have that same thing. Another example being that you tell someone you love their shirt if they ask because if you tell them you hate it and it's ugly, you'll offend them. I always grew up learning that lies were bad and white lies were not so bad, but what people don't tell you is how complicated things can get.
Growing up, people don't tell you how complicated things can get when someone else lies on your behalf. People don't tell you that someone else's lie on your behalf can get back to you. They also don't tell you what your supposed to do when someone else lies on your behalf and you find out later. Everything your taught as a child kind of changes when you grow up. As a child everything is built on not lying and learning that someone depends on your lack of lying to gain their trust. What happens when things change? What happens when things get more complicated than what your taught?
A couple of months ago someone lied to me about something. I honest to goodness believed every word they said until today. Today, I found out that this person lied and they not only lied to me, but they lied to my parents as well. When this particular event occurred, we absolutely believed everything they said and that what they were telling me was to benefit me. We had no reason to not believe what they said because this individual has known me for quite a while. They have never, to my knowledge, lied to me before and I thank them for that. This individual cared and still cares about my well-being and while they lied to me, I still believe this statement to be true. This is what makes things so hard.
I sit here tonight trying to wrap my head around what happen a few months ago and why someone would have lied to me. I get what they did, but why they lied is something I don't fully understand. It's also hard to understand what to do about it. Would the outcome have been different had they not lied? Yes. Would the outcome have been good if they told the true? That’s questionable. If someone you trust lies to you, do you still continue to trust them? What if their lie was meant to help you? I grew up learning that not lying and trust go hand in hand. What happens when that one lie occurs? When you have known someone for such a long time, what is supposed to happen to that trust you had with that individual? One of the hardest questions come when you find out the truth from another individual. What are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to confront the liar? Are you supposed to ignore it and forget about it? These are really tough questions. You really want to trust others and what they have to say. You don't want to hurt others for something they did that was a mistake, even if it was a really big mistake. It’s hard enough to confront someone who has done wrong that hurts you. It’s even harder to confront someone when did t with such genuinity.
At this very moment two really popular quotes come to mind. "What you don't know doesn't hurt you" and "Kill people with kindness". I really like the first quote because it's true. My supervisor uses it a lot when we are talking about what we say or don't say to our kids on a daily basis. I don't lie to my kids on a daily basis, but as someone who works full-time with children, you learn the art of manipulation. For example, you may artfully check your email in the middle of the day about an early
dismissal and not let the child know until it is absolutely necessary. You may also tell your child that we can talk about what ever they are distracted by, fully knowing that they will completely forget about it by the end of a lesson. I think it's important in some instances to act in such ways, but it's also important to discern what appropriate times are.
In the end, I think it's important to realize that we all must kill each other with kindness. People make mistakes and we need to forgive them for that. When they make mistakes we still need to remember to love them. In the end we all make some mistakes. Some are little and some are some real doozies.
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