Dickinson Mental Health Charity Ball

Friday, November 16, 2012

I'm a real boy

   If you know me, you know that my family and I are huge disney fans. I have been to disney more times than I can count, have a whole disney scrapbook and could probably find something in my life that resembles disney. Tonight I am going to relate myself to Pinnochio. Pinnochio was once a wooden doll that a man had built, but then in the end, he was a real boy. Today I feel like that real boy because I feel like a typical human being too. I have always used aspergers as an excuse or a crutch, but right now I don't even feel like I have it. Trust me if you have it, you feel different! People with aspergers get insulted when people that are neurotypical think they don't have aspergers because they do struggle.
     In our school district k-5 is elementary school, 6-8 is middle school and 9-12 is high school. When i started 6th grade at the middle school, I was released of some of the supports I originally had in elementary school. I was in learning support only as needed. I really started to struggle academically so I got involved in home schooling. I used this as a time to catch up. 
     When I was home schooled, there was no way my mother would home school me. My mother had her own business to run and two kids to take care of. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and home schooling was not a strength of hers and that was okay. I ended up getting home schooled by a family friend of ours who taught two other girls. We had a regular school day, but we worked on our own school material, had recess and went out to eat once a week. We would typically go out on friday's to a restaurant of our choice and sometimes we would go to Olive Garden on Thursdays. Having recess and going out to eat were great times to practice our social skills. 
     One of the girls I was home schooled with was boy "crazy". She was at that age where she had just gotten a cell phone, loved texting and had a crush on every boy out there; any drama that was in her life revolved around a boy. She couldn't get enough of it either. I would always tell her that she was boy crazy and she would argue back that I was. Where she got that from, I don't know. You can even ask my mom if I have been boy Crazy. Melissa would even ask me every once in a while if there was a boy I was interested in. It was like pulling teeth to try to get a decent answer out of me. I always had guy friends but no boy friend. I never understood the point of boys at those ages; they were stupid and unattractive. Over the past couple weeks things have changed. 
     I have always worried about not being interested in boys, but the past couple weeks its been like the difference between day an night. I went from not being interested in boys to being boy crazy. I have one guy who I walk to the student union with every day after English. There are also two guys from my support group that I enjoy hanging out with and I have a ton of guys at work that are really cute. I went from worrying about whether I was ever going to be attracted to anyone and worried about someone accepting me to feeling very positive and really fast. That its self has been a huge change, but I am growing in so many other ways. 
     I have found a great new form of independence within the last week and a half. I now have transportation anywhere I want in my county without having to beg my parents to take me. There is a special service set up in our area for people with special needs and seniors where they do curb side pick-up and drop off. All I have to do is call a day in advance for a ride and if I need to cancel, I can cancel within 45 minutes of my ride time. I have 13 hour days without seeing my parents sometimes.  am able to schedule my transportation with out my parents help even thought my mom doesn't think so and I am taking control of my social life. Yesterday I had to cancel a ride because I got called into  work and my mother reminded me to do it by pestering me all day by calling me or texting me. I called an hour and a half before my ride was suppose to arrive. I got a voicemail from my mother telling me she made sure my ride was cancelled because she figured I wouldn't do it. Hahaha, she's so funny, I am a responsible adult now. I did it myself!!! 
     As far as my social life, I can't keep up. There have been times where I have gotten really upset because I never have friends to hang out with. Now school and work consumes my life and I still have a social life. It took me years to figure out that I had to plan stuff in advance and I needed to find people that I got along with, not just the cool people. I now have one friend that comes over to my house once a week to hang out with me and my family. If my parents are out for the night we order pizza and bring it back. Sometimes we go to a strip mall to look at craft supplies or little stuff like that, but we are really independent. Today I had to send my mother a facebook message to give her details of my thanksgiving week. I don't even know what my thanksgiving week holds yet. I do know that I work three days, i'm going out to breakfast with a friend tomorrow, I am going over to a friends house for dinner one night, I am going out to diner and a movie one night and god only knows what else. This is if no one blows me off. The fact is i'm planning stuff. 
     The other night our family was sitting at the dinner table together. I always get anxious around the holidays because we don't have a lot of family.I got that from my mom and now its annoying her because she has finally gotten over it. The holidays are always hard for everyone. I was sitting at the table with my family and my friend that comes over weekly was sitting there too. We were talking about up coming breaks and how work would play into our breaks and how are family would play into our breaks. I am very routine oriented so I was trying to figure out how we could squeeze her into our schedule over thanksgiving break while still fitting in her schedule too. We talked about it and she is going to be here all of thanksgiving break. She is having family come over, but will be pretty free other than work. We might actually go out to eat all together: her family and mine. 
     After talking about thanksgiving we continued to talk about the rest of the breaks for the year. We discussed christmas break and spring break. Fortunately she will be in town for both occasions. Honestly though, I can't believe all my good friends are from out of town now. When I was a child everyone left to see extended family. Now everyone leaves me to see immediate family. As the conversation proceeded I talked about going on vacation for spring beak. Spring break is always really tough because our school district doesn't have off, but our college does, so everyone leaves town anyway. Now that I am in college I would love to have a spring break. Its really hard to thought because my brother still has school and he's in high school, which means he has to go to school or he will miss a lot. 
     The other year, my parents had said something about me taking a weekend long vacation with a friend. I was hesitant about it for a while. The only person that I would go with was way older than me. It would be really weird, but now that I am growing more, it sounds pretty cool. My parents always said how so many kids go on vacations with there friends as teenagers, but my brother and I weren't going to be allowed; as we get older I think my parents figure stuff out and its okay. I think I'm ready to take the next step. I proposed that even though the rest of the family may not be able to go on vacation, Laura, my friend and I could go on a weekend trip or something. 
     When I proposed this idea my mother told me I was feeling my oats. I originally thought that feeling my oats meant showing off. The kind of showing off when you feel good. This time it meant that I was showing off in a way that I felt I was ready for more independence. I think I am and I think my parents are okay with it. I am turning into a typical young woman and it feels good. We discussed all options including my mother come with us and it could even just be a girls weekend. In general I am ready to go on a vacation with a best friend. Darn it!!! 
     This semester has been really good. I can't believe how much I have grown and what my future will hold. I have a feeling there are some exciting things come my way and possibly yours. We're only scratching the surface, but their are some pretty cool ideas my family has for me in the future. I personally want to write a book about my success with aspergers and for some reason my mother is under the impression that I am going to be famous because of some great reality television show. I thinks she's crazy. There are so many options out there, another of which is public speaking. I sjust feel like I am growning and more doors are opening for me each day. :)

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