I always grew up wanting to be "neurotypical". What does that mean though? Well I thought it meant being normal, being just like everyone else. There is no such thing as being like everyone else though because no one is normal. I always like to use the terms typical and neurotypical, but the fact is they don't really mean anything nor do they matter. What matters is being unique and interesting as opposed to being boring.
Today I went to work just like any other day. I had a break for lunch where instead of eating in the break room, I ate out in the store because I didn't want to listen to a bunch of coworkers cutting dry ice in the back. I sat there eating a yummy bowl of macaroni and cheese as I scrolled through my texts. One of the texts was asking me what I wanted to do today. I sat there for a minute and thought about what I wanted to do. I couldn't think of anything in particular so I sent a message back letting them know. I sat back and took another bite, thinking about what I had just done. I had just made several huge accomplishments just by sending one text message.
You may think that is not a huge deal, but it really is. First of all I always insist on talking to people on the phone because of the complications I have relating to expressive language due to my aspergers. Sometimes its a lot easier to express my self and get my point across by verbalizing what I want to say as opposed to written communication. On the other hand sometimes I can express more through my blog than I can at any given time to my parents. Fancy That!!! This was a huge step using texting as a form of social communication as opposed to the typical communication of important details or questions and answers. For instance if someone texts me "hey whats up", chances are that I am not going to reply simply because I absolutely hate texting, but today was different.
I sat there thinking about how typical I was to be chilling there just texting friends. I felt cool and typical (whatever that means). I felt like I was normal, but there is no such thing as normal, there is only such thing as conforming to your societies expectations. Not everyone goes walking around town with a blue afro do they? (some people do and that doesn't conform to standards.) That doesn't mean they have aspergers, but since I am repetitive and have trouble with friends I am not typical. (May I also add this was actually a specific example I saw in my community).
I proceed to think that this isn't only social texting, but I am setting up plans to hang out with a friend. Not just a friend, but someone I can call a close friend. Its no 10:30 at night and I have been hanging out with her since 4 today. We are sitting in my family room watching television together with my parents. It came so natural to me. We just started texting and decided to hang out. We had already talked about it last week too which amazes me even more. I have lost count the number of times my parents and therapist have told me that if I want to hang out with friends, I need to plan a couple days in advance compared to when I was little and able to call someone and play all in the same day. there was no searching, my friend was there.
I remember a couple therapy sessions, probably when I was in middle school that we discussed who were my friends and who were my acquaintances. We talked about the fact that just because I knew someone my whole life or just be they loved me didn't mean they were my best friend. it took much more. It took two people talking on regular basis to become best friends, but it was okay to just have friends.
My mom would always reassure me that I would have a real friend one day, but I'm not sure I believed her. I didn't really understand the concept to begin with. I would compare friends to this scenario but none of them would add up to real friends. I had just about given up until this year. I can officially say I have a real friend now. We text most days and we hang out at least once a week. We will sit in my kitchen for hours just laughing. Every wednesday my friend picks me up from work and takes me home where we have dinner and watch television with each other. Sometimes we do a craft and sometimes we play a game. This is a friend that is part of my family now. She feel at home at my house.
I don't have to worry about going up stairs and taking a shower when she is over. She doesn't have to worry about being served ever piece of food and every drink. She can walk into my kitchen and eat a snack we have sitting around without being judged. I don't have to worry when I am with her. We are living human beings and we all make mistakes. Tonight we went out for dinner and I paid for dinner for the family and my friend paid for dessert. We are always there for each other and she is someone who we all family. Heck she weathered the Sandy out at our house.
I never thought that I was this typical if that is even a way to define typical. Just because I have some sill label doesn't mean I have a life sentence. I can be happy, I can have friends. I can have best friends and much more.
There was a little boy I knew about named Nickolas. He had a fatal condition called anencephaly. He wasn't supposed to live but he did. I have to live every day by using the phrase, "If I say I can do something, I can do it", because guess what, Nickolas did it 3.5 almost 4 years. If nickolas can overcome obstacles such as life, I can overcome obstacles and defy odds and make friends. If you want to say I am an unhappy not typical human being that functions in society, so be it, but I am a strong and happy aspie who is achieving more and more everyday.
Every year my family goes around and say what each of us our thankful for. This year I expressed how thankful for how independent I was. My mother was told when I was little, that I would live in a group home when I grew up and that I would never be able to live on my own. Guess what peeps, I am going to college, getting decent grades and having some days lasting 13 hours with out needing my parents for anything. Take that!!!
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