Innovative Programming!

     I made a last minute decision this past week to go to Penn College's open house. If you didn't know already that is where I will be attending school in the fall. The open house was primarily for prospective students whereas I am already an accepted student. As we entered the campus, they had signs guiding us this way and that way as to where to park. It was really cool and you could tell they had it very organized and that they cared. When I went through registration, I got a personalized schedule of events that I could attend. The first stop was the Occupational Therapy lab.
     In the Occupational Therapy lab, we got to meet the director who will be one of our professors the first year; the college is really small. We also got to meet with current students who were able to give us all the gossip of what to do and what not to do. They also told us what professors to stick with and which ones they don't like. Then I got to go explore all the cool sensory stuff and they had a makeshift snoezelen/multi-sensory environment. They are a therapy room that originated in Europe, but are becoming more popular in the United States. They had ball pits and thinks to touch and all sorts of stuff. I need to focus on my anatomy.
     When we were done with the occupational therapy, we went out to lunch at a bagel place that was alright. We had hoped to go to our favorite chicken place, but it was closed. After the bagel place we headed out to find dessert with no success since we had time to waste. Then we arrived back on campus to attend the disability services session.
      During the session we learned about the supports and services we can receive at the college. We also got to meet the director and she is a really nice lady. I got to ask her a couple questions and I asked her about there autism programming. I thought they would have a support group or counseling, but they have something way better. They have created a program purely because of there passion for individuals on the spectrum. This is a small college with only one disability specialist and her assistant. They are creating a new program that will help us all exceed. There really shouldn't be any reason that I won't next year. The program has three components.
     The first part of the program is an early move-in program. Typical students move in on Saturday. We will move in on Friday. Prior to our move in, we will have volunteer mentors that will have gone through a training the day before. We will meet our mentors and disability services on that friday for orientation. This is only for kids on the spectrum. We will do skits and some role-modeling about handling different experiences on college campus including approaching professors and faculty, more specifically about our needs.
     On Saturday morning we will meet up with our mentor and they will help us get settled with our id and all sorts of stuff before everyone else moves in. That leads me to talk about the second part of the program. They have a program starting that will involve mentors. Every student on the spectrum who discloses it will be paired with a mentor. This mentor will meet with them five hours a month. This meeting could be to attend a social event if were insecure, or to help us with our organization. They will be there for us, but we can also be independent. The third part is for kids still in high school so I don't know much about it.
     My mother and I walked up to the director at the end of the meeting. I was a bit nervous after all the information from the day. I think it was safe to say I was on information overload and overly tired from the past few days. She said that she had students that met with her once a week to go over their schedule and she sends them a color coated schedule that they can then tweak. The schedule she sends includes a structured time for studying, classes, clubs and the gym. They really want us to exceed and I love how much they really care about what they do.
       I wish other college's had programs like this! Its so exciting!!! :)

A Major Catastrophe

        Last week I was scheduled for placement testing for college. The college I am going to be attending is a technical school that requires placement in both math and reading. The test takes about an hour and just tries to measure where you are standing since coming from high school. It shows what material you have retained and what material you need remediation in.
     When we were given my placement test date, my parents decided that we would schedule a campus tour. They hadn't seen the campus like I had and I am going to be attending college there next year. When we schedule the tour, we were unaware that it would be pouring down rain and I have officially discovered I am not a duck.
     Sensory issues are a huge issue (sometimes). Being a duck or someone who likes water would not describe me. First off, when I was getting prepared, I cared more about my entertainment needs on the road than I did about what I wore for the weather. That should tell you something and if you don't know what I am going to say next then, well you don't know me.

     In the midst of worrying about what I was going to wear, I made the CHOICE to WEAR MY CROCS. This was a BAD CHOICE on such a RAINY day. Really, I did think about this. I thought that my crocs are waterproof because they are rubber and the sole is a good inch thick. So it wasn't all a loss of common sense. What I didn't know was that the pouring down rain would collect to a total of 1-2 inches of rain on the ground at all times. This would lead you to believe that maybe I could scoot by with crocs, but NOOOO. The water was just high enough to seep into your shoes, never mind the splashes that happened with every stomp in the black puddles. If you know me I have this sixth sense for standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. I will be the one who kicks the crumbs that were swept up across the floor or steps in the puddle of oil at our local grocery stores parking lot. I just don't see stuff.
     I took a deep breath and thought about this. My feet were freezing and I'm pretty sure I was drenched in water from my toes to my knees, especially with all the water I stepped in. I'm not the one who sees stuff, nor am I the who does stuff lightly. I was the one most likely to break a crayon from drawing to hard as a child. Lets put it that way. Of course when it comes to shaking hands, I guess I can't shake hard enough. Who Knew? I came to the conclusion that even though my feet were wet and I had to sit in testing for an hour with wet socks, crocs and pants, it was way better than sitting in wet underwear in your psychologist's office in seventh grade. True story!
     I finally made it through lunch and the testing. I knew I would be okay. I could handle wet socks even though I couldn't stand the feel of rain drops on my arms. The rain drops just hurt so bad as they hit against my skin. Think about when something startles you. That jump and that pain or skip of a heart beat you get. Think about that happening every time a COLD rain drop falls on your skin. You never know when they are going to hit or where. Even if you did, its cold.
      On the way home, I took my socks off and discovered that wearing fuzzy socks was not a good idea either while walking in the rain because they really absorb water; probably about a pound or maybe even two. Try it someday. I thought I was done for the evening and then I got a text from my friend asking if we were still planning on going to Rita's ice after dinner. Great, I had been craving the ice since they opened. We were finally going, but I seem to always go to Rita's when it rains. I don't know if its my luck or what.
     I told my friend that it would be great and to meet at my house at a certain time. I put my shoes on the shoe shelf and got cuddled up. Okay, maybe thats a lie because I never put my shoes on the shoe shelf because I am too lazy and just kind of through them there. Anyway, they were inside and the mammoth fur inside them was soft but thin. Remember those socks I told you about that absorbed all that water? Well when I went to put my crocs back on they were STILL DRENCHED.
     If you've ever seen the veggie tales or have been raised with them, you probably know the hairbrush song. At this point in time, I am pretty sure that this song sums up the situation and I was not going to leave until I found a different pair of shoes that were acceptable. That meant that I wasn't going to wear sneakers which was nearly impossible because I don't have much else. I have a pair of boots that I stared right at and still didn't see them. i know this because I came back later to see them right where I had looked. I finally found a croc, my friend already out the door praying I was going to go insane because of a pair of crocs.
     I stomp of the stairs with my fat feet because I always doing everything hard and never lightly. I walk into my and yes, there is the other croc. You might be asking me why they were on two different floors in my house and fortunately for me, I don't have to blame myself for once. My organization was perfectly fine. The blame? My cats!!! Yes, my cats like to "hunt".
     I walked into work the next day and of course people had to ask me what the heck happened to my shoes. I replied that it was my cat. The answer I got back was, "I shoot the damn cat if I were you", understanding that this was coming from the most sarcastic crazy cat lady I knew, I kind of had to chuckle.
     Needless to say, next time it rains, I better know where my boots are or keep my crocs dry!!!

There is a Season

     As the saying goes, there is a season for everything and there is time of change. I feel like I can relate to this statement on so many levels right now. I am going through some large transitions once again and realizing that as I get older things change. Things come into your life and things leave. The same goes for people. Transition has always been difficult for me, but I think relationship transitions are the hardest.
     Two years ago I was signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I was desperate for a social outlet and friends. I was suffering in a little bit of isolation and I needed to get out. Within two months of applying to the program, I was assigned a big sister. Unfortunately that match ended do to uncontrollable circumstances, but I was assigned a new big sister. I was a bit nervous, but I knew everything would be okay.
     It was originally debated as to whether I would still receive services after I lost my first big sister. I was transition to my schools program for kids 18-21 and would no longer be going to school at the high school, but on a college campus. I wouldn't have received my diploma yet so they approved and I moved on. Last summer my services ended, but my Big and I have made a huge effort to hang out. It may not be once a week, but its every month or couple months. I can count on her to be there though. Things are going to change soon though.
     I'm going off to college next year and I just found out my big sister is moving at the end of the school year. She just got engaged and she is moving far away. I worry about staying connected with her, but I know it will all be okay. We just had breakfast today and I know she will return. I was kind of whiny about it this morning, but then my mom pointed out that I'd be moving in the fall anyway.
     Along with this I have other friends that I feel like I am losing touch with. I probably have to give you some background knowledge first though. Relationships have always been different for me. If someone is nice to me, I automatically consider them my BEST friend and think I need to invite them to every event I have, most specifically my fourth of July party, but sometimes my birthday parties and other events. I'm not sure why, but they could be sixty and I would care, they were still family friends then. One time I felt like my receptionist was my best friend at my dr.s office. When these people leave, it really makes my heart ache and its a hard transition for me.
     Fortunately I have time with my big sister, but another friend of mine is slowly leaving my life. Its not that they don't care, but our lives just get so busy. I rank people as important in my life more strongly than most people (refer to above). We email back and forth and occasionally have lunch or dinner out together. Things have just been busy for us both and new things have come up. For one, this person now has a child and for another, I have school on the days they are off. Lastly, we both love to travel.
     Sometimes I just don't understand why people fade away. I know its okay and I know I'll be fine, but sometimes its hard. Its kind of funny, not humorous, but weird. I have this serious issue with people moving or leaving me, but when it comes to death, I am the last one to cry. I am not emotionally attached to people the same way. I am not able to look at the full set of circumstances and their family. I look at the person in my head and think, thank god there no longer in pain. There in heaven where they belong and I get on with it. Its something to talk about and empathize with, but then get on. I'm not an apathetic person. Don't get me wrong, but I am more upset if someone gets hurt because its something i can visibly see the pain of. I have never been to a funeral and I don't think I am emotionally ready to either though.
     Now this being said, I have never had people that I am extremely close to pass away nor have I been to the funeral. I have had a great friend of mine pass away, but she was gravely ill and I only saw her once a year. I have had relatives die, but I only saw them a couple times a year and I was  young. My grandfather was a bit different though. I got somewhat emotional over him. When I though about him, I looked to the sky. He was a strong Catholic and one year we even got him vatican socks. I didn't have a deep connection with him, but he was a church goer and he was my family. I miss the fact that he used to love giving me hugs. I love how he always put up with us telling him we weren't his grandchildren because he was our step-grandfather. That was when I was younger and it hurt a bit, but he understood and he forgave us.
     I just don't get why I am so apathetic towards death, but if the person is there, they have to be there. Maybe if there gone, I know I don't have a choice to see them again. I don't know. I haven't been to my grandparents house since my grandfather died. My grandmother comes to visit us all the time now though. I almost wonder if it would strike more if I stepped foot in my grandparents house and saw no grandpa or 'papa" as I called him. This is just tough stuff to think over and I think I need to look at bigger pictures and schemes of things in my life.
     Its a miracle, we have facebook now where we connect with anyone and we have email. I guess love for me is more physical than mentally. Some of it may be my point of view or lack of theory of mind and my opinions. I need to look at everything and understand hat it happens for a reason. My reaction doesn't matter. If its negative, then thats my problem and if its positive and I am able to look at the brighter side of anything, then I will be a lot happier. Not only is there a season, but there is a reason for social interactions.

Okay, not quite back to square one...

     But I just had another break through seizure last night and I am not happy about it at all. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was three and I was put on medicine. It was normal and I never really knew I was having a seizure when I would have them. I was never coherent enough to know anything. I only remember two seizures, one of which was on the way to the hospital where I knew I would be okay and another one was small and I knew I would be okay. Now that I am older and re-diagnosed during a time where I know what big seizures really due to you, I am scared.
     I posted a while back, farther back then my second epilepsy diagnosis about an anxiety attack I had when I went to see temple grandin. That episode was the type I had in July too that they called a seizure. When I wrote that post, I talked about how I would manage these episodes at school because sometimes I cry. I don't care how old I am, if something is scary, I will react. Questions are coming to my head again as I once face that same concern. I don't want to scare my roommates.
      I am stuck as to what to do. We are trying to get me a private room when I move off to college, but that is still in the works. If I have my own room I can cry all I want and call my mom, but I also risk having a grand mal seizure with no one present to call 911 or assist me. If I have a roommate I would have to decide whether to tell them about my seizures or not. If I told them I would have to think about how they would react. It could very possibly push them away because its weird or it could scare them, but once again I have them there. If I had roommates that were aware, I don't know how understanding they would be of the emotional component when I cry or need to call my mother for support. Last night I hollered for my mom who was just down the hall to come and snuggle with me and comfort me. When I go to college, I'll have to be a big girl and I know I can do it, but a phone call might help.
       When I have my episodes, I always think they are so awful and then a couple days later I feel like what ever. I am once again reminded several months later how agonizing they are. My legs start to shake and then jerk as I walk like a robot or an ostrich, then it moves up my torso and eventually makes it difficult to breathe because you need muscle control to breath and you don't have a whole lot. You proceed to ride the seizure out, only to worry that it will happen again or maybe even worse.
     There are so many things to think about. I'm not letting anything ruin my plans and dreams, but sometimes circumstances make you think a little bit. I think its kind of cool to figure out your morale dilemma's even though there tough because in the end, you feel good about it. I thought I would be done grieving over the diagnosis of last summer, but when a seizure strikes again, the emotional rollercoaster starts again. With all hope and positive thinking this grievance will go away soon. I am God's masterpiece and he has plans for me even if those plans require me to make some hard choices and some scary paths. :)