People have always told me that you have to have things in common with others to make friends. Psychologists have told me to make a diagram or what ever those two-circled things are to decide who I should try being friends with, but sometimes it just doesn't work, but I feel that I have a large bank of interests. Lately, I have noticed what the problem is. There is a glass wall between me and the neurotypicals in this musical society we call our world and social life.
People with aspergers are fact based people. I have always been told that I am very good with facts and I like that I am good with facts because it helps with study skills, but it doesn't help with relationships. Temple Grandin has said that her brain is a tape recorder. She thinks in pictures and has memorized phrases. I'm kind of feeling the same way right now despite the fact that I am an auditory learner, not a visual learner. A conversation has flows, not facts. Instead of commenting on something or asking a question, i give a straight fact that puts an abrupt end to the conversation.
Today was a great example. My mom has a new employee who many of you have heard me call her my1cent. I spent the day with her while the rest of the family was out and about. We went to the store and got sweet teas. She was my taxi driver for the day too!!! Thank you my1cent. I knew I was using my tape recorder when I talked to her. We have the same conversations all the time. My vocabulary with her consists of the following phrases.
How's Tim?
Finn?
Asher?
Bailey?
Dreu and Piper?
Can we get a sweet tea?
Does finn have a game tonight?
Can I have a hug?
Can Finn come over?
Can I come over?
or anything regarding buffalo chicken dip or sock monkeys
As you can see, I have a limited access to social conversation. I do have atypical aspergers though, so sometimes people may not even know that i am different. I have tons of personality and tons of flexion in my tone of voice. Conversations are shorter and less monopolized than what I can do. I am not saying I can't do this, but I have a glass wall in my way. I feel like I am so close to normal society, but there is this translucent wall between me and society. No one can see it, but I can feel it. I say something and I automatically hit a wall. I try to socialize, but I either give a fact or talk about myself.
here's another example. A dad is taking his son to school. He asks his son how he slept. His sons reply is good, did you know its 34 degrees outside? How is the person supposed to reply. I want to socialize and I am almost there, but there is literally a limited connection to the other world. I am starting to feel that I am in the autism word and trying to communicate with my peers. I even feel like this with my mom.
My tape recorder for mom
How's my1cent today?
Whats for dinner?
Can I cuddle?
I can't wait to get my eyes checked I wish they were normal
I hate aspergers
Whats the game plan for today?
Can we go shopping?
Can we go to the movie?
I have these little tape recorders in my head and there is a class wall prohibiting me from moving forward. The one thing I know I can work on is my interrupting though. Honestly, how do I communicating in a musical society. conversations flow like music and I am that beat that is off or the person that forgot the words to the piece and makes something up. I guess that would be good if I was an actor, but its not too cool when you are socializing.
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