Vacation Whoa's

      My family is a big traveling family. We really like vacations and we love trying new places which sometimes causes anxiety for me. Vacation paints a very different portrait for me and my mother though. My mother loves to travel and she loves the beach. I on the other hand, like the beach but I prefer the pool.

         This summer our family decided that we were going to rent an awesome beach house in the "outer banks" or so we thought. We actually rented one in Emerald Isle which is to the south of the Outer Banks. It was a great place to vacation and a lot less tourist like then many other beaches. We had a nice house in a nice neighborhood with very little noise. Noise has always been a problem so this was a plus, but there were other things that bothered me.

            Along with having Aspergers, I also have an anxiety disorder too. This is very common in individuals who are on the autism spectrum. I don't have a fear of anything special, but mine is more generalized. I can be fearful of anything from the ocean, to thunder storms, to even dying of a heart attack despite the fact that I am young and healthy.  The beach is one location that causes me a lot of anxiety.

              My mother once asked me whether I liked the ocean better or whether I liked the mountains better. Without a doubt I told her I like the mountains better. I have an extreme fear of the ocean which causes my generalized anxiety to rapidly increase when I am at the beach. I like the mountains better because they protect us from storms, they don't carry us away, and they are big, but you are actually able to picture where they start and end. An ocean is like a geometric line in my head. It is continuous.

            This week was quite stressful to say the least. I spent a good bit of time by the ocean. I read and relaxed. I soaked up the sun although my skin sure doesn't show it. :( I also didn't want to go down a whole lot because it scares me. I absolutely hate rip-tides even though I have never been in one and I hate salt water. I have this awful fear of being swept away and getting salt water in my eyes and mouth. Forget about the sharks thats a whole different story.

          When I was younger, my family used to cruise a lot, but now that I am older and can't participate in the children's clubs we have slowed down on our cruising. My parents would always choose to get a cabin with a balcony, but as I became older that had to come to a stop. My anxiety got in the way too much. I would fear silly stuff like falling or jumping over board. I wouldn't trust myself not to go crazy for some reason. Of course all of this was anxiety and FEAR (false emotions appearing real), but it had to stop

       Overall my experiences with the ocean have not been great. I don't know what my moms history with the ocean has been like. I don't know, maybe that is where she went to get away from drama when she was a teen. Either way my brother got bit by a few crabs or I mean aliens this past week. :)