When there is a conversation going on, it typically goes on between two or more people. Those people have a way that uses a give and take method or a tennis match method. The ball is the conversation, and the rackets are the individuals that are participating in the conversation. This was a method that my teachers and therapists would use to help me understand social skills, but there is a major problem with it. Social skills are more complex than hitting a ball back and forth. Social skills involve the whole tennis game.
Today, I discovered why I am so eccentric and why people don't understand me. I can't express myself in the right way which leads me to make a wrong move in my tennis games. When i am giving and taking in a conversation, I can't express myself properly. One of two things happens, the ball doesn't get to the other player, or it goes past the player.
When I talk about the ball going to far or not far enough I mean the following. if the ball has gone too far, I am perseverating on a topic and I can't get it out how I want to get it out. I feel as though I am repeating myself and know one is hearing me. This leads to me monopolizing the conversation so that the other player can't get it. This can get very boring if you are not a good listener, but I am just expressing myself like anyone else would.
If the ball doesn't go far enough, I have not reached the full potential of a sentence which means that i have not expressed myself. The following is an example.
You are talking about lemonade. You say that lemonade is really good. I say that raspberry lemonade is really good, but I like raspberry iced tea too. The next thing you know, someone else is talking about iced tea and some other drinks and the original person is lost.
Now lets dissect this a little more. Someone says something about lemonade. Thats okay. I say something about raspberry lemonade, but I don't come back to the fact that regular lemonade is good too. I go onto say that I like raspberry ice tea, but ice tea has nothing to do with lemonade; it has something to do with raspberry which was something else that I had brought up. that being brought up was totally unrelated. What I really meant to say is that I like lemonade, but I think the raspberry lemonade is good and that raspberry ice tea and lemonade are good. I could go onto say how much I like lemonade though or I could ask if they like ice tea, but I leave them with a pause.
Not only do I leave them with a pause, but I have left other people wanting to change the conversation. I say something about ice tea which isn't lemonade. that opens the door and lets people know that the conversation is not just about lemonade. they don't know that the ice tea was just a side comment. They decide to talk about all different drinks and we get off topic.
There are several bad reasons for our inappropriate comments, but we really can't help it if we can't express ourself. Instead of saying something about lemonade, I was trying to apply myself to a situation because I don't get others points of view. I try to fit in with my own interests instead of pretending to be interested in them.
Dickinson Mental Health Charity Ball
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
My mother is going to have a heart attack
As a child, I was always looked at differently. No one new what was wrong with me, but the adults in my life were trying to figure that out. In the mean time, since they had no diagnosis, they never knew what my prognosis was. For instance, they didn't know if I would develop enough to live on my own or if I would be stuck in a group home. Now that I am older, they are realizing that I can live on my own and there is a great chance I will get married. Having kids, thats another story. Anyway, my parents didn't know what my prognosis was, so they didn't know how to react.
Since my parents didn't know what my prognosis was, they didn't push me. My parents Molly Cawdled me all through elementary school and then I got hit hard in middle school. I didn't learn how to cut my food or pour a glass of milk until fourth grade, yet I learned how to bathe myself before the age of six. Since my parents have been careful with me and since I am developmentally behind, they don't expect me to be maturing at the same age rate as everyone else. It really doesn't help that I am their first child too.
Around fourth grade, my parents finally got a diagnosis for me: Nonverbal Learning Disability. Everyone wants to ask how that is possible because I am so verbal. Let me explain. This label basically means that I have a learning disability that affects my ability to perceive nonverbal cues. That was the label I had for several years, but my parents read books about it and tried to help me. At this point they new I had a full potential.
When I was in fourth grade, I learned to cut food, poor a glass of milk, wash my face in the morning, put deoderant on and so forth. My mom had to teach me how to wash my hair the proper way. To this day I try to keep my hair very low maintenance, but she had to teach me. I had a very sensitive scalp because of supposed learning disability. My mom had to explain to me that my head may hurt because its sensitive, but its okay. I had to wash my scalp.
During the time between 4th grade and 6th grade, I shot off like a rocket because my parents actually knew what they were doing. By the time 8th grade hit, I was finally two years behind in my development. This does not mean I am mentally retarded because asperger syndrome is a developmental disability, but not mental retardation. We are actually quite bright. So, by the time I was in 8th grade I was caught up to two years behind, and to this day I am two years behind.
My mom is so used to taking one step at a time with me, but staying on track with development, but I seem to have thrown her a curve ball. When you are aware of a disability, you think about the disability and so my mom always thinks it will take more time for me to do stuff, but she is WRONG. lol and that is why she is about to have a heart attack.
When I turned sixteen, I really wanted to get my permit. My parents said that I could, but it took nine months until I actually got it because they are stubborn. They think of me as their child and that I will stay a child forever. I think that they think I will also develop slower in all areas forever. They know I can do stuff, but they just don't want to know. I finally got my permit and now that have been given the clear statement that I can drive. My mom is about ready to have a heart attack.
Along with the driving, which she wants no part of; she doesn't even want to be in the car with me even if my dad is there, I am also dating someone. SURPRISE!!! Yes, I am dating someone as of yesterday and my mom is about ready to have another heart attack. Last night she asked all about the guy and she wants to meet him before we even go to the movies or out to dinner. Now I have friends that are boys that I go to the movie with, but this is somehow different. I truly do have my head screwed on right. My mom is just over protective. Once again, I am two years behind in development so my mom didn't expect it. It was really funny seeing her expression when I told her. I still don't think she is totally convinced.
Overall, I think my mom is going to have a heart attack because not only are her kids growing up, but the ones that at one point she was going to have to worry about their future, is now dating someone and getting their drivers license in two weeks. Can you blame her? this is a lot to take in.
Since my parents didn't know what my prognosis was, they didn't push me. My parents Molly Cawdled me all through elementary school and then I got hit hard in middle school. I didn't learn how to cut my food or pour a glass of milk until fourth grade, yet I learned how to bathe myself before the age of six. Since my parents have been careful with me and since I am developmentally behind, they don't expect me to be maturing at the same age rate as everyone else. It really doesn't help that I am their first child too.
Around fourth grade, my parents finally got a diagnosis for me: Nonverbal Learning Disability. Everyone wants to ask how that is possible because I am so verbal. Let me explain. This label basically means that I have a learning disability that affects my ability to perceive nonverbal cues. That was the label I had for several years, but my parents read books about it and tried to help me. At this point they new I had a full potential.
When I was in fourth grade, I learned to cut food, poor a glass of milk, wash my face in the morning, put deoderant on and so forth. My mom had to teach me how to wash my hair the proper way. To this day I try to keep my hair very low maintenance, but she had to teach me. I had a very sensitive scalp because of supposed learning disability. My mom had to explain to me that my head may hurt because its sensitive, but its okay. I had to wash my scalp.
During the time between 4th grade and 6th grade, I shot off like a rocket because my parents actually knew what they were doing. By the time 8th grade hit, I was finally two years behind in my development. This does not mean I am mentally retarded because asperger syndrome is a developmental disability, but not mental retardation. We are actually quite bright. So, by the time I was in 8th grade I was caught up to two years behind, and to this day I am two years behind.
My mom is so used to taking one step at a time with me, but staying on track with development, but I seem to have thrown her a curve ball. When you are aware of a disability, you think about the disability and so my mom always thinks it will take more time for me to do stuff, but she is WRONG. lol and that is why she is about to have a heart attack.
When I turned sixteen, I really wanted to get my permit. My parents said that I could, but it took nine months until I actually got it because they are stubborn. They think of me as their child and that I will stay a child forever. I think that they think I will also develop slower in all areas forever. They know I can do stuff, but they just don't want to know. I finally got my permit and now that have been given the clear statement that I can drive. My mom is about ready to have a heart attack.
Along with the driving, which she wants no part of; she doesn't even want to be in the car with me even if my dad is there, I am also dating someone. SURPRISE!!! Yes, I am dating someone as of yesterday and my mom is about ready to have another heart attack. Last night she asked all about the guy and she wants to meet him before we even go to the movies or out to dinner. Now I have friends that are boys that I go to the movie with, but this is somehow different. I truly do have my head screwed on right. My mom is just over protective. Once again, I am two years behind in development so my mom didn't expect it. It was really funny seeing her expression when I told her. I still don't think she is totally convinced.
Overall, I think my mom is going to have a heart attack because not only are her kids growing up, but the ones that at one point she was going to have to worry about their future, is now dating someone and getting their drivers license in two weeks. Can you blame her? this is a lot to take in.
Friday, September 23, 2011
I have selective hearing
Yes, I said that. I have selective hearing, particularly towards my parents and my therapist. Wait, no I have selective hearing towards anyone that would ever tell me that someday my brother and I will be best of friends.
For months, no wait years, my brother has been this emo person who plays call of duty all day and never socializes with the family. Last week my parents had gone out of town and my brother was there for me. Yesterday my parents had to go to a meeting in the evening. I had a migraine and was sitting at the kitchen table doing a puzzle. My brother came down and actually payed attention to me. He was interested in what I was doing and he even asked me to play a game with me.
I feel that my brother and I have come around the corner. We get along like we are best friends. Last night he played the game with me and we ate chips and salsa together. Tonight my parents wen to a movie and he went to a football game. He ended up getting the brunt of the tears from my pity party about how I have no friends. He offered to give me a hug. I love my brother so much. At this point I really couldn't ask for a better one.
The most touching thing he said to me as he left was good bye J, I love you. This is wear the tears start as that meant so much to me. I don't think my brother has actually ever said I love you too me because he wants to be cool. I have always known that he loves me, but he does struggle with my differences. We are best buddies right now.
Simple things in life make a big difference. My night was a frown and the very words I love you and the hug he gave me turned my night into a smile.
Next time you think your sibling will never like you, think again and really take in what people are saying. Don't blow them off!!!
For months, no wait years, my brother has been this emo person who plays call of duty all day and never socializes with the family. Last week my parents had gone out of town and my brother was there for me. Yesterday my parents had to go to a meeting in the evening. I had a migraine and was sitting at the kitchen table doing a puzzle. My brother came down and actually payed attention to me. He was interested in what I was doing and he even asked me to play a game with me.
I feel that my brother and I have come around the corner. We get along like we are best friends. Last night he played the game with me and we ate chips and salsa together. Tonight my parents wen to a movie and he went to a football game. He ended up getting the brunt of the tears from my pity party about how I have no friends. He offered to give me a hug. I love my brother so much. At this point I really couldn't ask for a better one.
The most touching thing he said to me as he left was good bye J, I love you. This is wear the tears start as that meant so much to me. I don't think my brother has actually ever said I love you too me because he wants to be cool. I have always known that he loves me, but he does struggle with my differences. We are best buddies right now.
Simple things in life make a big difference. My night was a frown and the very words I love you and the hug he gave me turned my night into a smile.
Next time you think your sibling will never like you, think again and really take in what people are saying. Don't blow them off!!!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I have ants in my pants
As most of my blog followers know, I just started going to a new school this year; the school is in the same district, but its a different program. During the day, I am constantly going. I have class after class and then I have lunch and then I have class again. There is no down time which can sometimes cause problems.
The classroom also has seventeen students with varying disabilities and needs, which means that sometimes it can get a little noisy with all the help that is needed. I also forgot to mention that we always have mentors coming and going from our class.
Lately I have felt like I have had ants in my pants; I just have this urge to move by the time lunch is over. As a child I never went for occupational therapy despite the fact that I have always had a sensitivity to sound. My sensory issues have been manageable. My mother has also turned me away from all those cool sensory toys that would be perfectly acceptable in the hands of someone with Aspergers syndrome. We have always had the urge for me to fit in, but lately I have needed the extra stimulation to calm myself.
The decision gets tough as to whether I bring sensory toys into my life at this stage. I have always had a trampoline to calm myself, but that is a typical house hold item that everyone has. The decision is tough because I have never had these tools before, but if I don't use the toys I am more prone to do behaviors that look weird such has repeatedly hitting the table with my hand or rigidly rocking a couple of times. Would toys be less awkard? That is the question I have. They are something that can be hid under the table, but people can see them. The rocking and slapping can be disturbing and awkward.
I always thought that if mom didn't want me to use these tools, that I could get by without them. After all I think my sensory issues hit their peak in about 7th grade, but our classroom is very stimulating and it is sometimes too stimulating. I have tried a couple of tools. I tried a fidget the other day and within five or ten minutes I was okay and put it away. By no means am I using the fidget for attention getting and therefore I am going to use is as little as I can, but I think that tool is something to really consider.
Calming myself down before a tantrum starts is so powerful. If I have gotten started with a tantrum, I am like a runaway train. You just can't stop me at the point. I need to run my course and no matter what don't yell at me more.
The decision to start using fidgets is really tough. Anyone reading blog is free to give me input. I really need it. :)
The classroom also has seventeen students with varying disabilities and needs, which means that sometimes it can get a little noisy with all the help that is needed. I also forgot to mention that we always have mentors coming and going from our class.
Lately I have felt like I have had ants in my pants; I just have this urge to move by the time lunch is over. As a child I never went for occupational therapy despite the fact that I have always had a sensitivity to sound. My sensory issues have been manageable. My mother has also turned me away from all those cool sensory toys that would be perfectly acceptable in the hands of someone with Aspergers syndrome. We have always had the urge for me to fit in, but lately I have needed the extra stimulation to calm myself.
The decision gets tough as to whether I bring sensory toys into my life at this stage. I have always had a trampoline to calm myself, but that is a typical house hold item that everyone has. The decision is tough because I have never had these tools before, but if I don't use the toys I am more prone to do behaviors that look weird such has repeatedly hitting the table with my hand or rigidly rocking a couple of times. Would toys be less awkard? That is the question I have. They are something that can be hid under the table, but people can see them. The rocking and slapping can be disturbing and awkward.
I always thought that if mom didn't want me to use these tools, that I could get by without them. After all I think my sensory issues hit their peak in about 7th grade, but our classroom is very stimulating and it is sometimes too stimulating. I have tried a couple of tools. I tried a fidget the other day and within five or ten minutes I was okay and put it away. By no means am I using the fidget for attention getting and therefore I am going to use is as little as I can, but I think that tool is something to really consider.
Calming myself down before a tantrum starts is so powerful. If I have gotten started with a tantrum, I am like a runaway train. You just can't stop me at the point. I need to run my course and no matter what don't yell at me more.
The decision to start using fidgets is really tough. Anyone reading blog is free to give me input. I really need it. :)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I'm a Snowflake
This school year I am participating in a public speaking class at my local college. We have been assigned to speak about something that we fell passionate about. For me, that is Autism and Aspergers. I plan on educating my audience about the change in the diagnosis label. In 2012 there will no longer be any such thing as Asperger Syndrome, but everything will be autism.
I don't know if any of you have ever heard the phrase If you have seen one person with Autism, you have only seen one person with Autism. That statement is true so therefore everyone who has Autism is a snowflake. I got this analogy from an article that I had to retrieve for citations for my formal presentation. That one statement that everyone with Aspergers is a snowflake caught my eye. I thinks its catchy and I really like it. Its also a lot easier than saying that whole long phrase I put in Italics.
There is one very important part about the snowflake though. I feel this is powerful because, I am someone who has Asperger and mine is Atypical or so I have been told. I have always been told that I am not the poster child for someone who has Autism, but I don't fit the criteria for anything else and it gets me services. The snowflake theory just goes to show you how intricate Autism is.
I am a snowflake, but I know a lot of them too. I have personality, many with autism don't. I have a friend who has the ability to memorize scripts from Spongebob, but I can't do that. I am sensitive to noise, but I have a friend that is sensitive to touch. That same friend is interested in comics and I am interested in disabilities. The person who is interested in spongebob seems to have no sensitivities that I am aware of. We are all unique and we should all be treated uniquely, but the same.
When I say we should all be treated uniquely, but the same, I am talking about the term "normal". This snowflake theory just goes to show that no one is normal. People say that individuals with Autism aren't normal, well were not normal to each other either. There is not such thing as normal and I think that word should be cut out of our vocabulary just like retarted is.
do me a favor!!! Don't use the word normal and don't think about people with autism as snowflakes. think about everyone as snowflakes. I know I went into details about aspies being snowflakes, but that was an explanation. Thanks
I don't know if any of you have ever heard the phrase If you have seen one person with Autism, you have only seen one person with Autism. That statement is true so therefore everyone who has Autism is a snowflake. I got this analogy from an article that I had to retrieve for citations for my formal presentation. That one statement that everyone with Aspergers is a snowflake caught my eye. I thinks its catchy and I really like it. Its also a lot easier than saying that whole long phrase I put in Italics.
There is one very important part about the snowflake though. I feel this is powerful because, I am someone who has Asperger and mine is Atypical or so I have been told. I have always been told that I am not the poster child for someone who has Autism, but I don't fit the criteria for anything else and it gets me services. The snowflake theory just goes to show you how intricate Autism is.
I am a snowflake, but I know a lot of them too. I have personality, many with autism don't. I have a friend who has the ability to memorize scripts from Spongebob, but I can't do that. I am sensitive to noise, but I have a friend that is sensitive to touch. That same friend is interested in comics and I am interested in disabilities. The person who is interested in spongebob seems to have no sensitivities that I am aware of. We are all unique and we should all be treated uniquely, but the same.
When I say we should all be treated uniquely, but the same, I am talking about the term "normal". This snowflake theory just goes to show that no one is normal. People say that individuals with Autism aren't normal, well were not normal to each other either. There is not such thing as normal and I think that word should be cut out of our vocabulary just like retarted is.
do me a favor!!! Don't use the word normal and don't think about people with autism as snowflakes. think about everyone as snowflakes. I know I went into details about aspies being snowflakes, but that was an explanation. Thanks
Monday, September 19, 2011
I just got a puppy!!!
I will let you know right now that I didn't just get a puppy, but there has a been a figurative puppy following me around for the past two weeks. I have never had a do and I don't think I ever will have a dog. I guess I had a dog names CJ or something like that when I was a baby, but I don't remember him. We are a cat family and I have three cats, one of which is named George and I am sure I will have plenty of stories involving him in the future.
Lets start off by saying that I am a very LOUD person. Did you hear me yet? I said I am a LOUD person. That means that when I am in the room, you know I am in the room unless you just don't care about me and wait ten minutes to notice my presence. I tend to be one of those people who will follow you around and be that bug in your ear that just won't get out. I continuously talk until you give me attention. Yup, you heard that right; I just recently learned that when people look away from you it means that you need to actually shut your mouth for once because they don't want to hear you talk forever.
Well, I know that interrupting and monopolizing a conversation is a weakness of mine, but it doesn't slow me down and I actually just realized how annoying that can be to someone else. For the past two week there has been an individual at the highs school that has done nothing, but follow me around. She means perfectly well. She consistently tells me that she has two friends. One of which is me and the other one is a female dog that can be nice one day and a female dog the next. One day she will swear away and the next she will tell you she is done swearing. Its just me and the girl who swears all day.
Everyday I tell her that the other girl is not worth her time because I have learned the hard way. Her excuse: I don't know how to make friends. My response, just get out there and meet new people. I know its easier said than done, but sometimes I just need some alone time. The end of the day when she is hounding me is when I need that alone time. She even gets to the point where she asks me what my bus number is so she can find it for me. I know she is desperate and I know she needs attention, but I can't be her main attention giver. I try the polite turn from her and she just doesn't understand. I turn and walk away and she follows me like she is a puppy who just wants to play.
Enough complaining because I know I do the same thing. I am friends with this person and nothing will change that, but I get very overstimulated by the end of the day. I think I am starting to really open up to the world around me. I am starting to realized that and I am starting to develop some new social/coping skills. I love this new chapter that I am starting to read. I have begun reading a new chapter of my life and it is called I realize that I am different, but I can still fit in with a few adjustments. I don't know, maybe I am feeling a little good about myself, like I am cool. I really don't know, but this feeling is really good and my year is off to a great start.
I may have been a puppy in my past but I am turning into a lap dog!!! :)
Lets start off by saying that I am a very LOUD person. Did you hear me yet? I said I am a LOUD person. That means that when I am in the room, you know I am in the room unless you just don't care about me and wait ten minutes to notice my presence. I tend to be one of those people who will follow you around and be that bug in your ear that just won't get out. I continuously talk until you give me attention. Yup, you heard that right; I just recently learned that when people look away from you it means that you need to actually shut your mouth for once because they don't want to hear you talk forever.
Well, I know that interrupting and monopolizing a conversation is a weakness of mine, but it doesn't slow me down and I actually just realized how annoying that can be to someone else. For the past two week there has been an individual at the highs school that has done nothing, but follow me around. She means perfectly well. She consistently tells me that she has two friends. One of which is me and the other one is a female dog that can be nice one day and a female dog the next. One day she will swear away and the next she will tell you she is done swearing. Its just me and the girl who swears all day.
Everyday I tell her that the other girl is not worth her time because I have learned the hard way. Her excuse: I don't know how to make friends. My response, just get out there and meet new people. I know its easier said than done, but sometimes I just need some alone time. The end of the day when she is hounding me is when I need that alone time. She even gets to the point where she asks me what my bus number is so she can find it for me. I know she is desperate and I know she needs attention, but I can't be her main attention giver. I try the polite turn from her and she just doesn't understand. I turn and walk away and she follows me like she is a puppy who just wants to play.
Enough complaining because I know I do the same thing. I am friends with this person and nothing will change that, but I get very overstimulated by the end of the day. I think I am starting to really open up to the world around me. I am starting to realized that and I am starting to develop some new social/coping skills. I love this new chapter that I am starting to read. I have begun reading a new chapter of my life and it is called I realize that I am different, but I can still fit in with a few adjustments. I don't know, maybe I am feeling a little good about myself, like I am cool. I really don't know, but this feeling is really good and my year is off to a great start.
I may have been a puppy in my past but I am turning into a lap dog!!! :)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Whack-a-mole
Have you ever heard of Whack-a-mole??? It was a game that I learned how to play when I was young. You would hit the gophers on the head and they would go down, just to pop back up again. This game is very similar to a game you would play at a carnival. Lately I have felt like the gopher in the game.
Let me explain myself a little better. I am the gopher that people hit down all the time and I just get back up off of my feet. The last two weeks have not been my cup of tea to say the least. I have felt like I have no friends. When I try to be friendly towards someone, they just ignore me. Over the past two and a half weeks I have had this happen three or four times by all different people.
This year I thought I would get off to a new start and I wouldn't talk about my Aspergers. That solution has not worked in any way. The first day back to school for the high school kids was just the start. I was talking to a someone who I thought was my friend, but she would just turn her back on me. I would just continue to talk and pretend that I was getting the attention I needed.
The past two weekends I have run into the same situations. I talk to someone and they ignore me as if I am not even there. They will even walk away. At this point I am so desperate for attention that I just follow.
Every time someone hurts me or ignores me, I just get back up on my feet and try again. I want to win and I want friends. Those who actually pay attention to me also actually compliment me by telling me that I am the happiest person they have ever met. I have also been told that I have a great personality. If only people took the time to get to know me, you would really like me.
I may talk about my disability all the time when you first meet me, but that is because I am insecure as how you will feel towards me. I have the urge to explain everything that happens. Do me a favor. Next time you see me or someone else who is struggling, try to get to know me or that person. Spend some time with us. We really aren't bad!!!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The good out ways the bad, or does it???
This is the question I am going to try to dissect and answer tonight. The question has often times arose in my head and it rises in aspie's heads all the time. Should we tell people about our Aspergers Syndrome? I have always been the one to tell people about my aspergers and I have been blown off by people because they think I am weird. I have even lost friends by sharing there aspie secret.
The question comes up often because there are so many great things to take advantage of, yet there are also cons like friendships or lack of friendships. As I have grown up, everyone has told me not to talk about my aspergers because it separates me from the rest of my people. I have the "little professor syndrome" and my little professor teaches everyone about disabilities or shall I say diffabilities. I do feel like I create a lot of awareness, yet high school students just can't grasp my concept. Could it be the big words I use like overwhelming, stimming and under or over stimulating??? I am really not sure, but no one understands me.
Above I share all the negative stuff which may lead you to automatically think that I shouldn't share, but then there are the pros. Some of the pro's I have dealt with and I am dealing with are being part of not one, but two documentaries. One documentary is airing this december on wvia if you are interested and the other documentary has yet to be filmed, but I am pretty sure that it will be filmed considering it is no secret. lol I have also just been asked to speak about my disability to a high school class, I am able learn how to live in an apartment by myself at no cost with a job coach twenty-four hours a day and I am able to get sixty minutes of undivided attention from a psychologist who understands me once a month. What more can I ask for??? I am also someone that can show people that individuals with autism can actually function in the real world unlike rain man.
Lets dissect this a little more. If I didn't have aspergers, I wouldn't be able to become famous through documentaries. Okay, lets be honest, maybe I won't be famous, but I will feel proud of myself when I can say that I was on national television. lol If I didn't share this information about my disability and I wasn't able to articulate my disability, I wouldn't have the gratification I have right now. I was really luck to be in one documentary, but two is amazing. I am able to articulate myself in such a way that I bridge the gap between the two worlds of autism and "neurotypicals" not that anyone is neurotypical because that would be too boring.
Another advantage to having the aspergers diagnosis is that I automatically qualify for an IEP which means I automatically qualify to be in this amazing apartment program where I have roommates for a week and I learn how to cook, clean, and socialize with roommates. Don't worry that I will burn the place down though because trust me I am a safe person. Oh and forgot to tell you that we have a job coach with us even in our sleep. Maybe not in our dreams, but while we're sleeping.
During the week that I stay at the apartment, I am required to prepare two meals for my roommates. We all agree on the meals, make a grocery list and go shopping on a budget. The other two roommates that don't cook that night, must clean the dishes, load the dishwasher, clean the stove and floor etc. I absolutely love this because anyone who is planning on going to college must learn this stuff on their own time. I actually get to do this for free in a real apartment that is rented by my awesome school district.
I guess I shall say that aspergers is actually better than having autism because you can actually go to someone and talk through your problems. I get to have someone's undivided attention who listens to me for once, but thats not all. She actually helps me instead of saying well how do you feel about that??? Seriously that isn't just a stereotype of psychologists. They all go to school to get their doctorate to ask you that question. Except for the one I see. This summer I even worked so hard that I am going to brag and say that I have no goals for the next month. The only thing is to get adjusted to school. Next time we will talk about my obsessive tendencies that can sometimes get in the way. I hope and think that I will make a lot of progress over the next year.
The question still remains!!! Do I tell people or not??? If I tell people, who should I tell???
The question comes up often because there are so many great things to take advantage of, yet there are also cons like friendships or lack of friendships. As I have grown up, everyone has told me not to talk about my aspergers because it separates me from the rest of my people. I have the "little professor syndrome" and my little professor teaches everyone about disabilities or shall I say diffabilities. I do feel like I create a lot of awareness, yet high school students just can't grasp my concept. Could it be the big words I use like overwhelming, stimming and under or over stimulating??? I am really not sure, but no one understands me.
Above I share all the negative stuff which may lead you to automatically think that I shouldn't share, but then there are the pros. Some of the pro's I have dealt with and I am dealing with are being part of not one, but two documentaries. One documentary is airing this december on wvia if you are interested and the other documentary has yet to be filmed, but I am pretty sure that it will be filmed considering it is no secret. lol I have also just been asked to speak about my disability to a high school class, I am able learn how to live in an apartment by myself at no cost with a job coach twenty-four hours a day and I am able to get sixty minutes of undivided attention from a psychologist who understands me once a month. What more can I ask for??? I am also someone that can show people that individuals with autism can actually function in the real world unlike rain man.
Lets dissect this a little more. If I didn't have aspergers, I wouldn't be able to become famous through documentaries. Okay, lets be honest, maybe I won't be famous, but I will feel proud of myself when I can say that I was on national television. lol If I didn't share this information about my disability and I wasn't able to articulate my disability, I wouldn't have the gratification I have right now. I was really luck to be in one documentary, but two is amazing. I am able to articulate myself in such a way that I bridge the gap between the two worlds of autism and "neurotypicals" not that anyone is neurotypical because that would be too boring.
Another advantage to having the aspergers diagnosis is that I automatically qualify for an IEP which means I automatically qualify to be in this amazing apartment program where I have roommates for a week and I learn how to cook, clean, and socialize with roommates. Don't worry that I will burn the place down though because trust me I am a safe person. Oh and forgot to tell you that we have a job coach with us even in our sleep. Maybe not in our dreams, but while we're sleeping.
During the week that I stay at the apartment, I am required to prepare two meals for my roommates. We all agree on the meals, make a grocery list and go shopping on a budget. The other two roommates that don't cook that night, must clean the dishes, load the dishwasher, clean the stove and floor etc. I absolutely love this because anyone who is planning on going to college must learn this stuff on their own time. I actually get to do this for free in a real apartment that is rented by my awesome school district.
I guess I shall say that aspergers is actually better than having autism because you can actually go to someone and talk through your problems. I get to have someone's undivided attention who listens to me for once, but thats not all. She actually helps me instead of saying well how do you feel about that??? Seriously that isn't just a stereotype of psychologists. They all go to school to get their doctorate to ask you that question. Except for the one I see. This summer I even worked so hard that I am going to brag and say that I have no goals for the next month. The only thing is to get adjusted to school. Next time we will talk about my obsessive tendencies that can sometimes get in the way. I hope and think that I will make a lot of progress over the next year.
The question still remains!!! Do I tell people or not??? If I tell people, who should I tell???
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Big update
This blog is a big update. I never have anything to write about or I have or I have too much to right about. This entry is going to be comprised of a couple of stories. Cat fights, how to talk to your professor and all I want for christmas is to be a croc for halloween.
Today while I was waiting for the bus, I was hanging out with a couple of girls I have met through big brothers, big sisters. I was having an awesome time until one of the girls hid under someone's else's umbrella. I hate you Lee. Anyway, she ended up hiding from some female dog girl. I guess they got in a fight and then they started fighting again after school. Some senior tried separating them. The one girl came at the other one, got pushed away and came back for more.
This is the reason that I am really glad I am no longer in high school. I don't have to deal with drama and gossip anymore!!! :) I have though been fortunate to not get in anything major during my high school years. The only problems I have had is kids calling me mentally retarted for simple reasons like being in learning support or having extended time on state tests. Those never got nasty except for me crying and then resolving them with the guidance counselor. Fortunately I figured out how to work with high school students my freshman year and never had trouble afterward.
Today we also talked about how to talk to your professor. It was amazing, we surveyed a bunch of college students. We asked them if they would tell their professor about some food onto their tooth. The result??? Do tell them, but in a polite way. Me having aspergers, naturally wanted to make rules by saying that you should tell anyone with the dr., Mrs, or mr. in front of there name, but that idea didn't go over well. We decided we shall do what we are comfortable with. I decided I will be the one to keep my mouth shut!!! It was a really interesting conversation though. Really what do you do?
Around christmas time last year, I came up with the following phrase: All I want for christmas is to be a croc for halloween. I thought this idea was the best idea I ever had. I was going to a croc, my favorite piece of clothing that I totally couldn't live without. Well, I am proud to say that has changed as of this sunday. I know longer where crocs because I am in college. I don't care if people know me for wearing crocs, I am wearing sneakers like normal people.
Did I just say I wear sneakers now??? Omg!!! I totally did. For the past five or six years, all I have worn are crocs. I have not been able to stand sneakers unless I absolutely had to wear them such as in gym class. I have given up my crocs because I am a college student and college students don't wear crocs. I know many people know me for them, but enough people have convinced me that its not worth it. I don't know if it is a sensory issue or the fact that I wear an 8 wide instead of an 8, but I hated sneakers until...NOW!!!
Above, I discussed the fact that this may be a sensory issue. I always thought that I was sensitive to noise and that I love tactile stuff. The more and more I grow and learn, the more I find out that I hate touch too. Is it that I hate both or is it that my sensory issues change like taste buds. I absolutely hate the feeling of rain. I honestly flap and rub my arms when I get rain on them. At that point I don't care what people think. I also hate washing my face, at least over the sink in the morning with cold water. I do believe this is a sensory issue because I do all other necessary hygiene with no problem. Washing my face feels too shocking and it is too awakening in the morning. Lets face it I do have tactile issues!!!
Today while I was waiting for the bus, I was hanging out with a couple of girls I have met through big brothers, big sisters. I was having an awesome time until one of the girls hid under someone's else's umbrella. I hate you Lee. Anyway, she ended up hiding from some female dog girl. I guess they got in a fight and then they started fighting again after school. Some senior tried separating them. The one girl came at the other one, got pushed away and came back for more.
This is the reason that I am really glad I am no longer in high school. I don't have to deal with drama and gossip anymore!!! :) I have though been fortunate to not get in anything major during my high school years. The only problems I have had is kids calling me mentally retarted for simple reasons like being in learning support or having extended time on state tests. Those never got nasty except for me crying and then resolving them with the guidance counselor. Fortunately I figured out how to work with high school students my freshman year and never had trouble afterward.
Today we also talked about how to talk to your professor. It was amazing, we surveyed a bunch of college students. We asked them if they would tell their professor about some food onto their tooth. The result??? Do tell them, but in a polite way. Me having aspergers, naturally wanted to make rules by saying that you should tell anyone with the dr., Mrs, or mr. in front of there name, but that idea didn't go over well. We decided we shall do what we are comfortable with. I decided I will be the one to keep my mouth shut!!! It was a really interesting conversation though. Really what do you do?
Around christmas time last year, I came up with the following phrase: All I want for christmas is to be a croc for halloween. I thought this idea was the best idea I ever had. I was going to a croc, my favorite piece of clothing that I totally couldn't live without. Well, I am proud to say that has changed as of this sunday. I know longer where crocs because I am in college. I don't care if people know me for wearing crocs, I am wearing sneakers like normal people.
Did I just say I wear sneakers now??? Omg!!! I totally did. For the past five or six years, all I have worn are crocs. I have not been able to stand sneakers unless I absolutely had to wear them such as in gym class. I have given up my crocs because I am a college student and college students don't wear crocs. I know many people know me for them, but enough people have convinced me that its not worth it. I don't know if it is a sensory issue or the fact that I wear an 8 wide instead of an 8, but I hated sneakers until...NOW!!!
Above, I discussed the fact that this may be a sensory issue. I always thought that I was sensitive to noise and that I love tactile stuff. The more and more I grow and learn, the more I find out that I hate touch too. Is it that I hate both or is it that my sensory issues change like taste buds. I absolutely hate the feeling of rain. I honestly flap and rub my arms when I get rain on them. At that point I don't care what people think. I also hate washing my face, at least over the sink in the morning with cold water. I do believe this is a sensory issue because I do all other necessary hygiene with no problem. Washing my face feels too shocking and it is too awakening in the morning. Lets face it I do have tactile issues!!!
Monday, September 5, 2011
When all else fails
When all but one option has failed, what do you do? The simple answer is to try the last option and see how it works. There is a problem with doing so in this case because it can socially and emotionally affect me. Over the years I have struggled to make and keep friends as all people do.
Right now I am at a weird point in my life where kids who are younger than me don't want to hang out with me because I am older and should have friends my age. People who are my age don't want to hang out with me because I am weird. That leaves me to hang out with adults which isn't always appropriate because I am not quite an adult yet. So what do I do? The answer my mom has given me is to accept who ever will be your friend, but don't push anyone.
I never realized how big an issue this was for me until recently. No one really teases me or bullies me like many may think, but it the way people react in general. The other day I was waiting for the bus and every person I tried to talk to would either turn away from me and try to ignore me or they would completely walk away and say they needed to catch the bus.
Right now my heart is hurting and I don't know who my friends are. I don't even know if I even have friends. I sit at home and sit on my computer all day during the weekend and then during the school week, I am immersed in a classroom with other special needs individuals which can be good but there is a little bit of seclusion. I have mentors who are my peers, but they are mentors, not friends. Right now is a time where I need a friend. People just need to accept me for who I am.
Today, lets make a difference and befriend someone who is struggling!!!
Right now I am at a weird point in my life where kids who are younger than me don't want to hang out with me because I am older and should have friends my age. People who are my age don't want to hang out with me because I am weird. That leaves me to hang out with adults which isn't always appropriate because I am not quite an adult yet. So what do I do? The answer my mom has given me is to accept who ever will be your friend, but don't push anyone.
I never realized how big an issue this was for me until recently. No one really teases me or bullies me like many may think, but it the way people react in general. The other day I was waiting for the bus and every person I tried to talk to would either turn away from me and try to ignore me or they would completely walk away and say they needed to catch the bus.
Right now my heart is hurting and I don't know who my friends are. I don't even know if I even have friends. I sit at home and sit on my computer all day during the weekend and then during the school week, I am immersed in a classroom with other special needs individuals which can be good but there is a little bit of seclusion. I have mentors who are my peers, but they are mentors, not friends. Right now is a time where I need a friend. People just need to accept me for who I am.
Today, lets make a difference and befriend someone who is struggling!!!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Discrimination is something to think about!!!
This weekend we had friends come visit us from Harrisburg!!! I decided that I finally wanted to go shopping for some clothing that had our local football teams name on it. They decided to get it for me for my graduation. We decided to go shopping which was great, but we were also people acting our normal way in public.
We were in the middle of a bookstore downtown walking around. There was a young man with down syndrome that came walking by. My dear friend decided to walk in the same direction as the young man, but they ended up bumping into each other despite the fact that he said excuse me. My friend got very startled which sent us into laughter.
Laughing may be okay in some situations, but I laughed right after my friend accidentally ran into this young man. I thought about it after the fact that laughter is only for sometimes ever if you are acting like your normal self. I was laughing at my friend for being startled because it was funny, but the boy walked away right away. I can't imagine how he felt. For all I know, he thought I was laughing at him. This young man is going to go about his day thinking that people don't understand and that people just tease and bully. I want to change that and I want to start making a difference. When i go out in public I need to monitor my behavior and all of us do.
I have been teased, bullied, talked about and laughed at too many times. People with down syndrome may be mentally retarted, but they are not stupid. They know when they are being picked on just like the rest of us. I make a laughter fit in the middle of the store and since these people were not part of the group, they had no idea what we were laughing at.
I want to change. Just think about it!!!
We were in the middle of a bookstore downtown walking around. There was a young man with down syndrome that came walking by. My dear friend decided to walk in the same direction as the young man, but they ended up bumping into each other despite the fact that he said excuse me. My friend got very startled which sent us into laughter.
Laughing may be okay in some situations, but I laughed right after my friend accidentally ran into this young man. I thought about it after the fact that laughter is only for sometimes ever if you are acting like your normal self. I was laughing at my friend for being startled because it was funny, but the boy walked away right away. I can't imagine how he felt. For all I know, he thought I was laughing at him. This young man is going to go about his day thinking that people don't understand and that people just tease and bully. I want to change that and I want to start making a difference. When i go out in public I need to monitor my behavior and all of us do.
I have been teased, bullied, talked about and laughed at too many times. People with down syndrome may be mentally retarted, but they are not stupid. They know when they are being picked on just like the rest of us. I make a laughter fit in the middle of the store and since these people were not part of the group, they had no idea what we were laughing at.
I want to change. Just think about it!!!
Completing Goals
I have always struggled with understanding other individuals and I have always had trouble learning from my mistakes, but that is about to change. When I started blogging, I started to learn more about myself. he of the two weaknesses that I have always struggled with is accepting criticism and wondering what I did wrong because I think I am perfect!!! The other is interrupting which is a whole different story.
This year I am taking an English class which my learning support teacher is grading. She decided to come to class with me the other day to see how I was doing and to meet the teacher. When we left class she told me that I need to work on my note taking. She said that I don't write anything more than what the teacher has written down on the board. My immediate reaction was to tell her that that wasn't true and that I was doing perfectly fine. I even continued to give her examples of how perfect I did.
After the experience with my teacher, I looked back and realized that I had made a mistake. I talked back to my teacher and I wasn't accepting positive criticism. This may have impacted me because I felt like I was mentally mistreated last year by a teacher but maybe it was because I have aspergers and have trouble learning new things. I really don't know.
My goal this year is to open my eyes a little wider. I need to open my eyes and accept criticism. I need to stop saying no and stop saying sorry when I make a mistake. I need to accept the criticism and run with it.
One other goal that I met that I thought I would never meet is understanding when others don't want to talk. I met up with my old high school friends. I was talking with them, but they would turn my head. This was the first time that I actually picked up that they weren't interested in listening to me. What did I do? I continued to be very stubborn and I continued to ramble on. I was happy that I had learned something and that I was just going to do what I wanted that that moment. At least I know what is happening and I have learned something.
The next thing to work on because I always need to work on is to stop taking a mile when someone gives me a inch. Yesterday I went to see the psychologist/autism specialist that go to see and she was very impressed with the progress I have made. She had me leave with absolutely now goals except to be happy and to adjust to school since I was doing so well and since I had a lot of stuff going on. We ended up having company over this weekend and I made a fool out of myself. It really doesn't help that my mom treated me to a mcdonald's sweet tea with light ice. Today I hope to do better and to think about only taking an inch and still enjoy myself.
Hope you all have a good day as I will!!! :)
This year I am taking an English class which my learning support teacher is grading. She decided to come to class with me the other day to see how I was doing and to meet the teacher. When we left class she told me that I need to work on my note taking. She said that I don't write anything more than what the teacher has written down on the board. My immediate reaction was to tell her that that wasn't true and that I was doing perfectly fine. I even continued to give her examples of how perfect I did.
After the experience with my teacher, I looked back and realized that I had made a mistake. I talked back to my teacher and I wasn't accepting positive criticism. This may have impacted me because I felt like I was mentally mistreated last year by a teacher but maybe it was because I have aspergers and have trouble learning new things. I really don't know.
My goal this year is to open my eyes a little wider. I need to open my eyes and accept criticism. I need to stop saying no and stop saying sorry when I make a mistake. I need to accept the criticism and run with it.
One other goal that I met that I thought I would never meet is understanding when others don't want to talk. I met up with my old high school friends. I was talking with them, but they would turn my head. This was the first time that I actually picked up that they weren't interested in listening to me. What did I do? I continued to be very stubborn and I continued to ramble on. I was happy that I had learned something and that I was just going to do what I wanted that that moment. At least I know what is happening and I have learned something.
The next thing to work on because I always need to work on is to stop taking a mile when someone gives me a inch. Yesterday I went to see the psychologist/autism specialist that go to see and she was very impressed with the progress I have made. She had me leave with absolutely now goals except to be happy and to adjust to school since I was doing so well and since I had a lot of stuff going on. We ended up having company over this weekend and I made a fool out of myself. It really doesn't help that my mom treated me to a mcdonald's sweet tea with light ice. Today I hope to do better and to think about only taking an inch and still enjoy myself.
Hope you all have a good day as I will!!! :)
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