social skills through tennis

   When there is a conversation going on, it typically goes on between two or more people. Those people have a way that uses a give and take method or a tennis match method. The ball is the conversation, and the rackets are the individuals that are participating in the conversation. This was a method that my teachers and therapists would use to help me understand social skills, but there is a major problem with it. Social skills are more complex than hitting a ball back and forth. Social skills involve the whole tennis game.

   Today, I discovered why I am so eccentric and why people don't understand me. I can't express myself in the right way which leads me to make a wrong move in my tennis games. When i am giving and taking in a conversation, I can't express myself properly. One of two things happens, the ball doesn't get to the other player, or it goes past the player.

   When I talk about the ball going to far or not far enough I mean the following. if the ball has gone too far, I am perseverating on a topic and I can't get it out how I want to get it out. I feel as though I am repeating myself and know one is hearing me. This leads to me monopolizing the conversation so that the other player can't get it. This can get very boring if you are not a good listener, but I am just expressing myself like anyone else would.

   If the ball doesn't go far enough, I have not reached the full potential of a sentence which means that i have not expressed myself. The following is an example.

   You are talking about lemonade. You say that lemonade is really good. I say that raspberry lemonade is really good, but I like raspberry iced tea too. The next thing you know, someone else is talking about iced tea and some other drinks and the original person is lost.

   Now lets dissect this a little more. Someone says something about lemonade. Thats okay. I say something about raspberry lemonade, but I don't come back to the fact that regular lemonade is good too. I go onto say that I like raspberry ice tea, but ice tea has nothing to do with lemonade; it has something to do with raspberry which was something else that I had brought up. that being brought up was totally unrelated. What I really meant to say is that I like lemonade, but I think the raspberry lemonade is good and that raspberry ice tea and lemonade are good. I could go onto say how much I like lemonade though or I could ask if they like ice tea, but I leave them with a pause.

   Not only do I leave them with a pause, but I have left other people wanting to change the conversation. I say something about ice tea which isn't lemonade. that opens the door and lets people know that the conversation is not just about lemonade. they don't know that the ice tea was just a side comment. They decide to talk about all different drinks and we get off topic.

   There are several bad reasons for our inappropriate comments, but we really can't help it if we can't express ourself. Instead of saying something about lemonade, I was trying to apply myself to a situation because I don't get others points of view. I try to fit in with my own interests instead of pretending to be interested in them.