Yup!!! I know you think I am crazy, but I really am not. I am not talking about alcohol and partying, but something a little more serious in my world and the autistic world. The holidays are arriving and let me tell you, its hard for aspies in a totally different way. It has been a rough week to say the least, but I am pulling through.
Yesterday I wrote a post that was very emotional to me. The day had a rough start that included a friend coming over with a lot of stress and as well as her daughter who hung out with me. It also included an appointment cancelled for the second time and fortunately no meltdown. Unfortunately, you must of all seen it coming, I had a minor meltdown today.
On Tuesday night, we got a phone call that would change my perspective on life and social responsibility. I was very excited to get together with a friend, but I just had this feeling that something was going to go wrong. It had to be instinctive. around 8 o'clock at night, we got a phone call from my mom's coworker stating that she would be coming in a half hour late because her kids were in a car accident with their father. My mom told her she didn't have to come in, but she insisted because she is just that amazing. She came in and brought her daughter in. It turned out to be a good day, but with some bumps.
Above I said that the situation affected my social responsibility. I have empathy in some areas, but I don't when it comes to crashes. I have never had a close friend be put in such danger. I have had friends of friends have cancer. I have heard of people being in crashes, but no one ever so close as recently. Recently the director of a camp I go to was diagnosed with cancer. I always got annoyed about the pink ribbon because it was everywhere; it was even on a cement truck. The day I found out a friend had cancer, pink had a whole new meaning.
Tuesday night was the first time I had ever had a friend involved in a car crash. It was devastating, but all I cared about was myself and being with my friend tomorrow. Today I need to take more responsibility. I think that everyone struggles with thinking about themselves to some extent. I need to think about this family. Not only the physical wounds they suffered, but the emotional wounds they suffered. I need to think about what could have happened. What if this family came to my house just for me even though they had concussions that needed to be monitored, I need to pay attention to what they need more than what I want.
Wednesday morning, she was supposed to arrive around 9. We got a call at 8:06 in the morning. I knew the time dog on it because I had almost expected that she would call. I sat beside my mom praying she was coming in because of my own selfishness. I hadn't cared what was wrong with anyone; I wanted her here because she was bringing her daughter for me to hang out with. The night before I had this thought that no one would show up and the appt would be cancelled for some reason. They ended up showing up at 9:15. I was in heaven, but that was not the end.
My1cent came in not upset, but you could tell she was out of it. She was ready to work and get her mind off of the thoughts from the night before. The same night they had another family emergency she was dealing with that dealt with extended family. That didn't help at all. My mom decided to teach my1cent how to make gravy and get work done. They couldn't tell me a time that she was leaving or that I would lose the friend for the day that I had over. My friend and I went ahead with our fun and made cookies. All was great.
We started making cookies and then my mom invited me to head downstairs to chat. She needed to tell me that we had to cancel my doctors appt because of conflicting schedules. I will remember that right in front of my friend and my1cent, my head tilted back, I breathed in and water came down my face. That was it and mom told me to leave the room and go upstairs. I handled myself so well considering the circumstances. I still didn't know when they were leaving darn it!!!
We eventually went out to eat at our favorite pizza place in town before my mom had to leave to do something with my brother. I stayed with my moms employee and her daughter to finish the meal. my1cent told me we had a date with sweet tea after lunch was over. We headed out to get the sweet tea, went to walmart to grocery shop because my1cent had to do that after the family emergencies caused schedule issues. We then proceeded to goof off in walmart and look at all different stuff.
Afterwards, we were supposed to go to barnes and noble as a treat for keeping on task in the store. We ended up going to the party outlet and she let us get rock candy which was amazing and my family was thrilled to have some including my mom and my brother. Thanks My1cent they all loved it. We ended the day with that.
Today, well it was an interesting day. I have trouble sleeping and I could swear I depend on my senses to function in this world. I haven't slept well and yesterday was very overstimulating but good at the time. it wasn't pleasant when I went to bed despite the fact that a I took melatonin: a natural sleep aid used for autistic individuals. I ended up dozing in the living room while watching disney movies this morning. It was as if it was a hangover. I was overstimulated yesterday and this was the residual affect.
Holiday are never good for me. They are unstructured, we don't have much family and nothing is open to keep me stimulated; as I said before I depend on stimulation. Today I didn't have enough stimulation. Not only was I a mess this morning with just wanting to sleep, but the day ended with a meltdown because I was suffering from withdraw from overstimulation. I was overstimulated then under stimulated way too fast. It created a meltdown, I just started crying for no apparent reason. I went to my room and continued. No matter if it is a schedule or stimulation, it needs to stay normal. I guess its just something to work on. Lets hope for a better day tomorrow.
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