Let me just start off by saying that the last week has been a bit rocky. There hasn't been anything too big going on, other than something I will touch on in a bit. It has been a lot of ups and downs about little stuff that just makes me wish I didn't have mental health issues.
My mom always tells me to knock it off when I say I have a mental illness and such. I have autism and an anxiety disorder. Can you blame me when I say that? Now, yes I do have some issues and no they aren't bad, but they are significant enough to affect me on a daily basis. Right now I am going through one of those times where I wish everything was perfect.
Issues started arising last week when we had to cancel an appointment with my therapist. That was not cool, especially when it was the day of the appointment. On that day, I shed a few tears, but no major tantrum. Yay!!! On the other hand, I feel like there have been a lot of changes going on. I DON'T DEAL WELL with the HOLIDAYS. I absolutely love them, but they are hard. Holidays give me extended periods of time with little structure. Most people consider them to be hard emotionally. With me, the unstructured activity causes anxiety to come back. It causes enough for me to think I need more medication, but since I am educated and aware, I know it will pass and that I will be okay.
Over the years I was diagnosed with everything from a learning disability, adhd, to autism. It was a struggle to find a diagnosis. We finally learned about aspergers and had me tested. When most people hear their child has autism, it scares them and saddens them. For my parents, it was a relief and an answer. Along with this diagnosis, also come a misunderstanding. This year I am in a class with kids on all different levels, which leads to everyone being treated the same. If I am told I can't do something, I feel I can.
I know several months back, I talked about the driving being an obstacle. Yes, it was an obstacle, but it wasn't something I was too thrilled with anyway. Over the years I had been told there was always that possibility that I wouldn't be able to. In my class there have been some things that I have been told that would be hard to do. I did them anyway. I still have determination. I have grown so much lately, but today was a different story. I love to defy odds and if someone tells me I can't do something, it makes me want to try even harder to prove them wrong.
Today was a rough day to say the least. Unfortunately a dear friend of mine had three/four family members get in a car accident. There was possible hydroplaning, but no one knew what happened. To be perfectly honest, I have been lucky to not run into this situation. It was heartbreaking to hear the news, but I also acted very selfish towards this as ironically, I was going to see them today. No one was hurt bad, just a couple of bumps, bruises and scratches. They were checked out by a nurse and they were okay.
Today, I had off school for thanksgiving. It was supposed to be a great day with a friend in the morning and a dr. appointment in the afternoon. It was going to be my mom's coworkers daughter. My mom owns her own business that is run from her basement. All my1cent had to do was bring her daughter to work. Unfortunately this family was the family involved in a car accident last night. No one was injured, but they were all shaken up. I don't deal well with change and especially last minute. My mom talked to her last night, and everything was okay, but they didn't know what was to happen. They left me hanging, but this is where I get selfish.
Due to a lack of empathy in some areas, all I thought about was how rotten my day was going to be with out a fantastic friend to hang out with. I didn't think about how scared their family was and that everyone was if not physically hurt, but emotionally. I have to say that I hate change and obsessive thoughts and behaviors. This is where I hate mental illness. It hurts and makes me look selfish. I have no empathy for others. all I cared about was getting to see friends.
Today, They ended up coming. They came in the morning and worked and then we went out to eat with my mom before she had to go to a meeting. My dr. appt was cancelled, but that is okay. I think I got a little recreational and shopping therapy today anyway. After lunch my1cent took me out to run errands and have fun. My mom told me afterwards that I deserved it because I handled the chaos well. Let me just say that today wasn't easy for anyone and its too complex to explain.
Despite the confusion I had tons of fun with not only my friend, but then her mom took me out for some retail therapy. We started the day by making amazing chocolate chip cookies. Did I tell you how amazing they were? Then we played some wii, discussed our schedule and did more discussing of the schedule.
In the afternoon we decided to have some fun. We went out to lunch. Then we stopped at McD's for sweet tea and if you know my1cent, she can't go without a sweet tea a day in her life. After that we headed over to office depot to look at really cool pens where we wrote all over the place about how we were there and how much we love our sweet tea. Then we headed over to wally world where we ran into our friend the sock monkey. Did I tell you that my1cent is obsessed with sock monkey's and I am determined to buy her a sock monkey hat? Then her daughter put on an awesome smurf hat. We got her thanksgiving dinner, looked at presents for cats, got clothing for her younger girls and then headed over to the party outlet. She spoiled me rotten.
We had to go to the party outlet to get stickers. She needed stickers for an awesome planner she had bought. Then my friend and I spotted rock candy so she got if for us. The rock candy was blue just like my finns smurf hat. Along the way their were awkward hugging moments, christmas shopping and tons of laughs. My1cent, I know you read this blog and you and your daughter gave me an awesome day. I couldn't have asked for more!!! :)
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