This morning was a little rough. It wasn't much rougher than any other morning, but some things that are said everyday, today finally stuck and not in a good way. I have Aspergers and so therefore I have trouble with executive functioning. You really don't need to remind me I have it and I am working on it really hard. People with aspergers have normal intelligence even though they may not act that way.
Executive functioning is essentially defined by saying that it s a process in which naturally takes place in a neurotypical to keep stuff organized in the head. Basically people who have trouble with executive functioning have trouble with schedules and keeping stuff organized. For example, getting ready for school in the morning can be a nightmare. You have to brush your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face, get dressed, put deodorant on, and so on and so forth. How the heck do people remember all of this and take a shower still. I take mine at night. People who have trouble with executive functioning have trouble with keeping track of these tasks and unscrambling them into such a way that they get everything done in an ordinary fashion.
The very fact that I have trouble with my executive functioning can cause friction between my brother who is three years younger than me and myself. I really hate it. Everyday we go through the same thing. J you need to get ready, we need to go. J what do you need now? J we need to get out to the bus hurry up. You didn't pack your lunch yet? Keep track of your id, please. Where is your cell phone now? You don't have time to throw your sneakers on and fortunately I am still wearing occasionally. Put your crocs on darn it.
Those things that I stated above are the typical questions we go through on a daily basis and by the time we get out to the bus we are both ticked with each other and sometimes there is a little bit of "shut your mouth" and "well I am not waiting for you next time" which then ends with " well I have never missed the bus before.
Today something stuck though. I asked my brother why he always worries about me when I have never missed the bus. Why he always reminds me to do stuff even though he is three years younger. The truth he has spoken, "you struggle with the same problems everyday". That hit me like a rock hitting my head. Ouch!!!! Yup, thats when I got mad at my disability. I wasn't mad at my brother because he helped me, I was officially annoyed with my disability. How on gods green earth will I manage to get to class on time when I am in college all alone. What will I do without my brother? Honestly he may be a pain in the butt sometimes, but he has helped me. I am not giving up, but sometimes he makes me feel like he is taking care of me as if he has more responsibilities than I do and that he can't experience childhood because he has to be another parent.
Yes, i know I can live alone, but today I got a reality shock. I need to start picking up some slack. Maybe I should start doing stuff in the evening.
I know what you mean. I try to get everything ready the night before so all I have to do in the morning is get dressed, brush teeth, and grab breakfast and lunch. And yet, I haven't made the bus in over two years.
ReplyDelete