Highlights

     I've been reflecting a lot on the past year. There has been some good, bad and some ugly, but I always come out fine. There have been some real high points and some real low points. These points are always used as a lesson for me. They show me where I have grown and where I can grow some more.
     January started off fabulous. I started my second and last semester in a special education program through my school district. I was able to take some awesome college classes while I still had a buddy to help me navigate campus. I was able to navigate campus at my own level, but when I needed help, they were there for me. I had a mentor for each class and I had some mentors that are some good friends now.
     During that last semester in the program, I had the opportunity to start taking college classes for credit. I would head out on to campus and go to my class with a mentor. Half way through the semester I decided I was ready to be on my own. My mentor was taken a way and I was a rock start. I came out of my first college class with a B.
     February came in like a lion and went out like a lamb. I know your probably thinking about march and how spring comes in. Really, though it was a rough start that had a smooth ending. The first of February marked the one year anniversary since my Papa passed away. He passed away the day before Ground Hog Day. It was a time to reflect on what had happen and its very nice that my grandmother doesn't mind when I bring my Papa up sometimes. It helps me cope to talk to her about him.
      Two weeks later, I celebrated my last year being a teen. I had my 19th birthday. Yes, if you did the math correctly, my Papa died two weeks before I became a legal adult. I celebrated my 19th by hanging out with some good family friends. We went to a really neat pottery painting place and I made sock monkey. Then we decided to go out to lunch at my favorite wing place. I was served a huge cookie dough cupcake that a friend got me.
      After lunch we moved and grooved our way over to our big entertainment arena for some dancing. We watched people dance to raise money for kids with cancer. It was pretty sweet to watch and even better to do with friends on your birthday.
      March pretty much started off with spring break. We decided not to go anywhere this year for spring break because its hard for my little brother to take off from school. You'd think that our schools would have a spring break for the kiddos, but they don't. Ever other county school district does though. Heck, we live in a big college town.
       The special education program I was involved with this past spring had the opportunity to do some cheerleading. We went about an hour and a half away to a competition. It was fun to be part of the team, but to be perfectly honest, I not huge into cheerleading.
      Transitioning from march into april I was privileged to be invited to host a award ceremony and banquet. I was invited by our local Youth Service Bureau as one of the youth to help organize and put on the event. Of course we had help from our case managers. Our youth program proudly hosts our local branch of Big Brothers Big Sisters and when I was in high school I had a big sister.
      April came into full swing and it was time for me to graduate from high school. Now let me tell you I am one busy lady. I think I barely made it to my own graduation. I arrived at my classroom where my teachers attempted to put make up on me to no avail because I have been traumatized with eye drops my whole life. When it was finally time for the graduation, i went downstairs to the community room where the graduation and dinner was held. When it was my turn to give me speech, I had tears in my eyes. I had grown so much.
      In May I had another formal event. I was cordially invited to a private screening a documentary I was able to take part in. If you haven't seen Camp Victory which is produced by WVIA, its a must see. There are campers from all over the nation that attend this camp. Its one place where I feel at peace and I feel comfortable. There is no one to judge me and I can make friends easily. I'm really sad when I leave and I really hope that one summer I can spend the whole summer working there.
     June started off with some volunteering at my favorite camp. I started my volunteering at Camp Chameleon which is a camp held on the Camp Victory grounds. My camp as I like to call it where I can reunite with old "family". It really becomes quite the family reunion after you attend the camp for 10 years and county.
     I came home from camp for a week long break and I was back up to Camp Victory again to volunteer at a camp for kids with brain injuries. I got to help with the junior girls. They decided to dress up as princesses for our Emmy nigh. It really is truly magical being able to give back to a place that helped you so much as you grew up. We had a hollywood theme.
     As soon as camp was over, I had to hop in my SPEEDY car and drive two hours home so that I could get a shower and put a dress on. I hopped right back in my speedy car and drove another two hours to the opposite end of the state to participate in a charity ball for the autism center I attended. Yes, for about a year I drove a whole hour to receive autism services. I was actually the one in the city and I had to drive out into the middle of no where to get services. I'm not sure how that worked out but it did. Thanks, once again to Melissa and Linda for inviting me. It really was an honor. If you did the math there, that was 4 hours in the car for 6 hours in the car for me in one day and 8 hours for my father driving, but we made it happen. I have awesome parents.
     July started out pretty smoothly at least I can't remember anything too remarkable, but summer sure did go fast. During the last week of July, I had the opportunity to participate in a transition conference which was awesome. It was truly set just for youth advocacy and empowerment. It was held by youth for youth. It was an empowering experience that I hope to have again this coming year.
     On the last day of the conference, I remember going to an activity fair. I met a women who had complex partial seizures. I was talking to her about the episodes I would have periodically. She said she would get de ja vu and I thought I did too. I was talking about this in front of one of the youth board members and now that I look back I feel so terribly that mentioned that and then had one of those very episodes that evening. It was also the first day of the summer games and during the first day of the 08 games, I took my last seizure pill. I just hope that everyone knows I am not faking stuff. I landed in the emergency room that night and we still had company that weekend.
     August was when I finally met with my neurologist for the first time. I was told that I had epilepsy. It wasn't a huge shock, but it was hard to handle after being told for so many years that I had outgrown my seizures. I was put on epilepsy medicine, got a medical alert bracelet and started my first semester of college with the office of disability services helping with two classes.
     September was a month of adjusting to college, life and interacting with more peers. I got a second job working for a local ice cream [lace that hires purely high school and college students. Hint!!! Its been awesome working there and I love my bosses.
     October was another crazy busy month and a month of Hell trying to deal with the seizure medication I was put on. October is pretty much a blurry mess and there isn't a lot to remember other than I had a lot of anxiety.
     November pretty much came and went. I had a very simple holiday with my immediate family. We had a nice turkey dinner and talked about what we were thankful for. I reflected on how much I had grown and how thankful I was that I had grown that much. A couple years ago, the plan for my life was to be a Walmart greeter living in a group home. I come so far now that I am going to college working towards a degree.
     December came with lots of high's. I was finally put on a medication to treat my seizures that works for me. I was able to make it through my first semester with a 3.0 GPA and still work 20 hours and do some volunteering. Now how's that for something to talk about. I was very disturbed by the Connecticut shooting, but I wasn't sure how to react. I think I might have cried a few times purely because I have aspergers and din't want to be compared or judged.
     One of the best things that happened to me this month was that I got accepted into my first choices for college and I am starting next fall. I told my mom that life has been too easy on me. Getting accepted to every job I've ever wanted and all the colleges I wanted. She told me I have had my hardships, but really are they hard or just different than others.
     I got to celebrate christmas eve with some great family friends that I truly miss. They had there friend from france over which was also a treat and had more positives than negatives. We played games, ate dinner and decorated cookies. Of course we had to eat some too. I don't think we left any for santa this year though. Too bad, he's fat enough anyway.
      This year has been a year of growth and changes that I never though were possible. Really, if you set your mind to it, you can do it. I'm going to college, holding job and hanging out with friends. I'm making the plans and doing the leg work. What more could an aspie girl ask for?
    

Fed Up!

     The tragedy that happened in Connecticut is awful and I know its awful, but its way more complex than people realize. I like to compare it to the hunger games; the hunger games was a great book, but if you didn't think about what was in it, it was just well written. If you think in depth about the story there is a lot of politics and different points of view. I feel that the Connecticut massacre is the same way. I'm fine if you disagree though.

     This is the biggest event that has happened during my life time other than 9/11 and the V-tech shooting. I was old enough to remember 9/11, but I was too young to watch the news or no the details. I was a little kid. On the other hand, during the V-Tech shooting, I was just old enough to understand what had happened and I thought the man was crazy. 

     Friday was a typical day for me, if you can say any of my days are typical. I have a smart phone so I can go on facebook anytime I want to. I was walking on campus when I decided to check facebook. The first thing I saw was about the stuff happening in Connecticut. I kept searching through facebook and that was all I could see, so I decided to see what had happened. Let me tell you, the day before we had a stabbing in our tiny little town. The stabbing was more a cut to someone's throat that sent them to the emergency room for stitches. It was small, but in a small scale community, it was a large event. 

     I went to my search engine and I typed in a news site. Breaking News, it read at the top. I looked to see what the story was and the story had the statistics of the massacre already listed. My little aspie brain didn't really no how to react. I was kind of in a daze thinking about the fact that facebook wasn't over populated like this during the aurora shooting and facebook wasn't like this during the Gabby Giffords event either. I personally was scared of thunderstorms all through childhood, so I knew the news people liked creating drama. I thought selfishly to myself that they don't need to create so much drama. I realized this and thought about it more and I thought about the facet that I was selfish, but also caring. 

     They don't need the drama, but its not because I am sick and tired of hearing about it. They don't need it because the Connecticut population needs time to recoup after the tragedy. I'm sure if something large happened to anyone of my friends, they would want some privacy. Hello HIPAA. Think about it though. Some pregnant women don't want friends to visit them in the hospital after delivery. Now think about how these families just lost there child and they sure don't need the media following them either.
     As days past, the story got bigger. When the headline came through that the man who killed all those children had aspergers, my heart sunk. I was now going to be labelled as someone who could commit such awful crimes as killing people. It felt awful. This christmas eve we are going to have guests over that we have over every year, but they are brining a friend with them. I am constantly thinking about what that person will think about me and my quirks. What if he asks questions? The family knows I have aspergers. when he finds out, he'll surely be like, wow I was just at a murderers house. Its really hard being put with that group of people.
      Next, the worst thing happened to me. A facebook friend posted some moronic status about how her son could surely kill her in the future because he has aspergers and he is violence. This caused a ton of outrage including a psychiatrists wife to comment, when her own daughter has autism. This friend then proceeded to bring up come backs telling us that her sons 60 year old teacher wasn't educated and she was trying to educate the public. So, she thinks by telling people that her son could be a mass murderer is going to educate the public more and have them become more accepting. I was outraged by this.  I'm already having trouble coping with the fact that I won't have the aspergers label next year, I don't need people to be scared of me. If this lady thinks this stuff, I can't imagine what the public thinks.
      To make things worse, I am a complete loud mouth. I don't know when to shut up about stuff. I will share with anyone who is willing to listen, that I have aspergers,which has always been a problem. Now what will happen if I tell someone that doesn't understand? They will compare me to Adam.
     Yes, I care about the families that are suffering right now, but right now I am lost too. Aspergers used to be a part of me and I was happy to advocate for others and educate. Now I am scared too and I'm not sure what my purpose of having aspergers is. Maybe its just to prove that we aren't violent. I've already started proving that we are happy. 

Life is Good

      I've said time and time again that my parents never really knew what to expect from me. They knew I was different and they knew I had struggles, but they didn't know what those struggles would mean. "She'll have to live in a group home when she grows up", my mom would hear from coworkers and friends. They only saw the disability in me though, not the potential to change the world. I may have struggles, but I still can succeed and that's what this is all about.
     Last night I was laying on the couch in the living room surfing the net. "Go look on the table because there is something from Penn Tech there for you", my mom abruptly blurted out. There was no conversation. Heck we weren't even in the same room, but it was just a thought. "Is it my acceptance letter", I asked. She told me she didn't know and she told me I should probably just go open it up. We are already in the application process and continuously getting mail from them. It wasn't a real surprise, but most stuff comes through email.
     I put my computer down and I jumped off the couch in anticipation. I was just thinking about college earlier. Earlier that day, I had attended a christmas dinner with my coworkers at a local restaurant. I thought about the fact that I had been going to these dinners for three years now and I probably wouldn't be coming back next year because I would be away at college. It was a really sad thought, but I knew it would be good. I went over to open the envelop and the first thing I saw was a HUGE financial aid packet. I thought about it and thought about the fact that I hadn't been accepted yet. I didn't understand why they were giving me junk about financial aid yet. I told my mom and she asked if there was anything else. I dug deep and found the letter.
     I was accepted into Penn Tech for their pre-occupational therapy degree. It was so exciting to find this out. I haven't really applied anywhere else, but here. I wanted to go to Penn Tech, because I knew there teaching style and small classes would be perfect for me. They also have really nice housing. I shuffled through the papers as I thought how easy this was to be accepted. There is still a lot to do, but its just money and housing type stuff.
     The fact is, I got into my first college of choice. There were days in my past that my parents didn't know I would be able to attend college. Today, its a true story, not just a fantasy. It took a lot of work to get where I am though. There were tears and there were giggles. There were triumphs and and also some hardships, but I have made it, even though I am lazy too.
     After all the excitement I told my mom that life is too easy on me. I volunteered at an adult daycare when Iw as a teenager and now I work there. I have worked there for over a year now with aspergers. People with aspergers have an extremely hard time with social relationships and team work. My mom almost hoped I would get fired from my first job so that I could learn something, but that didn't happen. Even at my second job, I am still doing well.
      Now after much nagging, I was accepted to my college of choice.I filled out the paper work and got my transcripts to them LAST MINUTE and I still got in. What on earth is this teaching me? All I can see is that its not that hard to just scoot by in life. I know thats not the case though and I can't get that thought stuck in my head, but even as an adult I have just had everything given too me. What is going to happen when something doesn't go my way? I can't just through a huge hissy fit.
       I expressed to my mom how I felt about this and how easy this was. I told her that I didn't think I was learning anything thing and that I was just getting stuff without working. I'm not struggling right now. She replied by telling me not to jinx my self. lol She also told me that I have had a lot of my own struggles and hurdles that have been just as mighty to overcome. My response was, "What are you talking about, I don't get it." Yeah, after all the tears I have shed over losing friends, having teachers not understand me, not finding the right doctors, having people segregate me and so much more, I still bright and can overcome anything. I may fixate on stuff, but I let it go. I just keep chugging along!!!

Merry Christmas To Me

So I got an early christmas present for myself and I thought I would share it with you all

When I got home from the store today my friend told me he was really nervous about his upcoming finals next week. He decided he would get a little studying done on this gloomy day.

My friend got really tired from studying and he had a little bit of a stuffy head anyway so he decided to cuddle up and watch some television. I decided to give him some tissues and the remote so he didn't have to get up for anything.

After relaxing for so long, he got a little rambunctious. I had to calm him down and tell him that he can't always be so wild, but it was too funny not to take a picture before I made him get down. I wish I could hang like this.

Once I scolded him for being such a naughty bear, he decided that he would help me with my puzzle. He was a little selfish with it and didn't let me help though, so I sat there and took pictures to keep me busy. 

My friend isn't very nice and so he decided to take advantage of me. He wanted to see how far was too far and how much he could get away with, so he decided play a game of hide and seek. Fortunately he's bigger than he thinks he is and I didn't have a problem finding him.

Okay, so I had to tell him his hiding spots just weren't good enough and that if we were going to play hide and seek he had to find better spots. So, guess what??? He did. The laundry shoot. It was a good idea for me, but it sure wasn't the smartest idea on his part. I'm sure his head is still throbbing from that fall.

After our intense game of hide and go seek, Mr. Bear decided he needed to go sleep. He thought it might help with the whopper migraine he got from his fall. He climbed up the stairs and decided he wanted to sleep in my parents room instead of mine. Silly Bear!!!

Wake Up

      Giggles had burst from the kitchen, up the stairs and through the hall at 7 o'clock this morning. It wasn't the best way to wake up for this chick who doesn't sleep through the night 80% of the time. I woke myself up enough to figure out what was going on, check the time and slam my head back onto my pillow. I snuggled up with my stuffed animals, covered up with my weighted blanket and took some deep breaths as I tried to ease myself back into a light sleep. I finally decided that I was going to get off my lazy butt and tromp down the stairs to see who was here.
      I got to the bottom of the stairs, walked into the kitchen with my head tilted over to the left in my half asleep pose. "Good Morning", I said to my mom in the groggiest voice you could imagine. "Put your head back up J, geesh", my mom replied back. I did a check over my body making sure I was okay. Everything was alright I was just half asleep. I put my head up and my eyes on mom!!! "It's only 7 o'clock, can I go back to sleep?" Yes, head right on up.
      I scuffled my tired feet up the stairs and curled right back up in bed. I got situated with my stuffed animals and weighted blankets. I was already to go back and get an extra hour of sleep. I threw my head back down on my pillow and closed my eyes all ready to take a nap. Ding Dong!!! The second I laid my head down the, door bell rang. "Who on earth could be coming to the door at this hour?" I thought.  I lay there in bed thinking about the fact that I just got my lazy but out of bed to tromp down the stairs to see why everyone was laughing. My mother was awake, grandma was awake, and Vicki a family friend was just leaving to go to work for the day; Vicki takes showers at our house everyday after the gym since she lives a town over from us and needs to go to work. It was a typical morning, but grandma was awake before me.
     I lay there wide awake in bed pleading to get some sleep. I hear the chitter chatter of the women downstairs. I recognized the voices. "Hello Pam", my mother shouted, which bellowed through the house. Our cleaning lady had just arrived. Let me remind you that this was before 7:30 in the morning and I don't have to be to work until 9. "Hello" She sat her cup of coffee down and headed straight for the laundry room as she always does. As I listen to them talk, I finally decide that maybe I should go down stairs. The whole house is awake. I head down stairs, Pam is in the laundry room and my mother and grandma are sitting at the kitchen table chowing down on breakfast. This is not your typical morning!!!
     I head to our freezer which is in the laundry room, look to the top and find out that my Captain Crunch is gone. Next, I head back into the kitchen, look around to see what else is for breakfast and I see a cake sitting there. The cake is still un-iced so there goes that option. I re-enter the laundry room, look up and grab a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. My Favorite!!!
        I pour a bit of milk into my cereal and head to the television room,  to watch the Today Show as I and eat my breakfast whilst still in my pajamas. "Change into clothes before you eat breakfast", my mother snaps at me. "I don't have to leave for another hour, leave me alone", I snap back at her.  I eat my breakfast and come back into the kitchen to be social where I find my mother icing the darn cake. If only I had waited a bit I could have had cake for breakfast. "Cereal is healthier", I think to myself, "it will be okay".
         I finish up breakfast and relax for a little bit before I head out the door. I sit in the dining room to work on a puzzle while my mom and grandma chat over coffee. "Call Heather and tell her your going to be late", my mom tells me. I get up and call Heather who is my boss at work, she is always great about dealing with my tardiness. She knows we have transportation difficulties."I'm going to be a little late today because my grandmother is leaving", I tell her. "That's fine", she says. Secretly in my head I know exactly what is about to happen. My mom hopes to wait until 9:30 to take me to work, but at 8:45 the door busts open again.
     "Good Morning", I hear in the most charming voice I know. My1cent had just arrived to work for the day. She also seems to be my personal taxi driver too. "Yes!!!" Purely due to My1cent bursting through the door, I know that my driver has switched over to her. I put a huge smile on my face, change into clothes, put my shoes on and grab my lunch. I am ready to head out the door. "I knew this was going to happen." I'm sure when My1cent walked in, she thought the same thing. As we head out the door I am already shooting questions at her about her kids and how they are. I asked her about her new house and the puppy. I asked her when I could come over again.
      We get onto one of the main roads in our city and head towards my job at an adult daycare. We always pass a McDonalds on the way. For a while it was closed because they were doing some massive remodeling which completely through my1cent and I for a tail spin. We're both addicted to sweet teas.
      Many days you will hear me asking my mom fi we can stop and get sweet tea on the way to our final destination. "Can we stop and get sweet tea?" This question is normally followed by "no we don't have time honey" which typically comes from my mother. One time it was then followed by, "its so addicting."  "Honey, McDonald's sweet tea is like the crack of ice tea", my mom once said. True story and this goes to show how much we love it.
     My1cent and I nearly speed by McDonald's in a race to get to work. At the last my minute I ask her her pretty please with a cherry on top if we can stop an get sweet teas. "It''s too late", she tells me since have already past the entrance supposedly. "No there is another one here." "Alright fine", she says as we pull into McDonald's. I grin from ear to ear. We grab our sweet teas and head off to work where I actually arrive fifteen minutes early. Fancy that!!!
     I head into work, put my sweet tea in the kitchen and greet the chef. I fill out my time sheet and check to see what we are doing for the day. That day we ended up making wreaths which were absolutely adorable. This goes to show you that I have no choice be flexible anymore. i am a grown women who is learning how to function in society. Just because I have aspergers doesn't mean I can't be happy or flexible. What keeps me happy is staying busy. Most days I would fixate on how crappy my morning would be, but on this day I was a rockstar and laughed instead.