stability

   When you are talking about mental illnesses, it is a great thing to hear that someone is stable, but as I have grown up with aspergers and an anxiety disorder, stability has coined a new meaning. Due to the fact that I fixate on my disability, I also fixate on my stability which in turn can lead to me talking about it in front of my mother and sometime even friends who are around me a lot. This may even be with my mothers coworkers which can be inappropriate.

   Lately I have been thinking about how stable I am as I am planning on going over to my1cent's house sometime in the near future for a night or possibly a weekend. I always worry about whether people know how to react to me if I am to have a meltdown or possibly even a panic attack. Right now I would have to say that I am on the cusp of being stable; I am on the greener grass rather than the brown grass, but I have been that way for about two months.

   Over the past few months, I have looked at stability differently. When I was in middle school, I wasn't stable under any guidelines and I needed help. I was having daily panic attacks and fights with kids in school. I would throw a tantrum at the sound of a siren, a clap of thunder or if something was changed such as a schedule. Today, I am much more stable than that, but I could still be more stable.

   Over the summer, there was a lot of social an emotional growth in my life which lead to a very stable time. I was tantrum free, crying free, and all around happy go lucky. Around the start of school, I started crying again. I didn't start with tantrums, but I started crying. In my definition of stable now, I consider crying unstable.

   Look at it this way. Someone with typical epilepsy is stable if they never have seizures while on medicine, but someone with intractable epilepsy is s stable if they don't have a seizure for maybe two or three days.  Thats how I look at my stability. Stability is defined by where you start off and where you are after treatment has started. Stability is the best you have been since treatment has started. Right now I cry every once in a while and have a panic attack here and there, but I don't have meltdowns. Six months ago this was stable, now its not and I need to work harder on controlling my emotions.

just something to think about. Stability is not just for those with severe issues, but it is for those that have made leaps and bounds and need to stay on track!!!