About four years ago was when i started really suffering with the aspergers. I was heading down a bad path and now that I look back, I was definitely saved by doctors. It was the fall of 9th grade, I got into a typical fight with my brother, but it ended very poorly. I decided to not lash out on him, but I kicked a whole in a wall that was easily visible for all to see. That night I went to youth group where there were people that judge me. I was sharing the story with a good friend, and I shared with her about how mad my dad must be with me. Another girl overheard. She made me nervous and I ended up having a seizure like episode. I got really confused and my parents were called. When i got in the car, I didn't know why I was leaving or where I was going.
Shortly before this episode, I was referred to a psychiatrist considering that I had issues with social skills. I had already had seen several psychologists before, none of which were any good. The doctor felt that if I saw this psychiatrist, I would only have to see him and not a counselor too. At that point no one thought I needed medicine, but that I may need it in the future. We were lucky enough to connect with this doctor right when there was a new autism specialist coming into the office. The psychiatrist put me on medicine for anxiety and sent me to the autism specialist; the best decision we ever made.
I continued to see this doctor for a while: the autism specialist. She was new to the area and she didn't have her state license yet, which basically meant that health insurance wouldn't cover us. No problem right? Wrong. The first appointment I had with this doctor, I knew she was the right doctor for me. I never really had that strong feeling about any one else. I also ended up having a seizure like episode that day while in her office, for the first time. She was able to tell me it was definitely an anxiety attack. That was great because seizures are awful. She continued to see me with a reduced rate or affordable rate. That worked great, except for the fact that this was not covered by insurance and it got quite expensive. We started social skill groups and everything. I was back on the right track, but the family was still suffering from doctor bills.
We eventually found out that she wouldn't be licensed for another three years by our health insurance company. That would mean I would be 18 and i would have grown out of pediatric therapy or I would have moved on to college. That would not have worked. At this point there was a chance that I would have to stop seeing her because of the health insurance company. There are special ways that you can have the health insurance make a deal with the family and the doctor, but there are 80 doctors in the area that could have seen me. They didn't agree. Finally they did and I got covered appointments. I continued the social groups and was continuing to do great. I had insurance covering me, I had a doctor that looked at the whole me and life was easy.
This doctor was about to start up a group specifically for teens. This was going to happen on a Saturday, i think it was November 14th. It was cancelled. That week I had already had an appointment on monday. I went with my dad and all was good. That friday, my mom told me I had to see this doctor for some reason. I thought maybe the group was back on. Boy was i wrong. I kept giving my mom different ideas. She got suspicious when I said about this doctor moving. She wanted me to come in so that she could tell me that she had been offered a new job in a town that was about 2 hours away from our home. She was going to leave me. After all these years she was going to leave me and I wouldn't be able to talk to her. Fortunately she has come back into my life and has helped me again. We just couldn't work it out with a different doctor or therapist. She was the one for us.
That story being told, I want to share a little bit about my relationships and being a professional myself. I may not be a doctor or a therapist, but i do work with individuals who have special needs and confidentiality rights. The families do too. The other day, I was asked to exchange phone numbers with one of the clients. I would have been more than willing to do so, but I was not allowed due to work policies. I am unable to have a relationship with these individuals, but I can bond with them at work. I can provide them activities and new experiences for them, but only at the center. I feel like this is how my relationship was with the doctor I go to see. I see her as a therapist, but there is more to it than that. We get along, not just manage each other and get help.
There is a fine line between relationships and bonding. You can bond without having a relationship. You can help individuals, but have trouble socializing with them. A relationship involves getting together for fun. Bonding can be that, but it can also be as simple as knowing each other and understanding each other. Sometimes we want more. Sometimes we want to be friends, not just helpers. I feel that this is a troublesome issue with working in the medical field. The one place where I understand individuals and they understand me, is the one place that I can't do outside activities at or with.
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