Dickinson Mental Health Charity Ball

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

How do I go off to college???

   Tonight I had a rough night and asked my mom the above question. I do have to say that over the past six months I have been doing a lot better, but I still have my rough spots. tonight it came out and it wasn't pleasant. On top of the aspergers and vision impairment, I have an anxiety disorder. The majority of people with autism have other issues that go along with the autism such as state above: anxiety disorder.

   It doesn't matter if you take medicine to control your anxiety or not, you will still have anxiety attacks. It doesn't matter what strategies you develop, you will still have attacks. Tonight was one of those nights. I did have a thirteen hour long day and I did eat lunch and dinner at school today. From this experience, I have learned that its not a good idea to do this.

   On the way home, I had the whole driving conversation with my dad. It started at as a good conversation with some moral decisions to make. It ended with the idea that I can't scubadive or snorkel with my dad anymore and this is something I enjoyed doing with my dad as a child. Every time I am told that I can't drive, I automatically think its because of my eyes, but I have to remind myself that its the processing disorder.

   The very fact that I always think about my eyes, makes me think about other things that I can't do. I automatically thought about scuba diving, but I need really expensive goggles to do this and I only do it once a year. Long story short, I had gotten my self all worked up to the point that I had a lot of anxiety. I went to my room, took a shower and came back down stairs. I still didn't feel good, but I thought my computer would help. Five minutes into using my computer, I started feeling really weird. I was about to have an anxiety attack. For those of you that think an anxiety attack is your heart racing and hyperventilating, your WRONG!!! My anxiety attacks look like seizures, which I have had in the pas.t When I have an anxiety attack, I get scared its a seizure. For a long time the docs actually thought they were seizures.

   After I had gotten worked up with tears and confusion, my parents told me to lay down and take deep breaths. I did as they told me to and it worked. This is when the question comes. There is no crying in college and medical material is not stuff that your roommate needs to know about. How do I deal with these uncontrollable experiences? My natural reaction is to totally go into it, or take deep breaths and calm myself down. This time I had tears before it happened. I didn't know what was happening. Sometimes I have fainting spells that are anxiety attacks. How do I manage these issues in college? Its just not acceptable. I feel as though I am struggling, but I don't know how to fix it.

   When I have an anxiety attack, it just needs to happen. An anxiety attack basically reboots your brain. I will feel emotional for a few days for now reason, have an anxiety attack and feel great. Today, I felt fine, but I had an attack. You just never know what to do.

We need greater awareness of anxiety attacks. I didn't know what they were until I started getting them.

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