harmful honesty

   Sometimes being honest can also be harmful. I know that must sounds like drama, but today I started crying because I was being honest. As a child I grew up being very gullible and as an adult I stick to rules. This means that if mom tells me that I don't get presents unless I write a letter to Santa, then I don't get presents.

    Today was one of those days. My grandmother is in town and its the end of october. She normally comes for a week each month. I didn't see her in september, but I did get to see her this month. Next month she plans on visiting the other side of the family around this time for Thanksgiving. This means that the next time I see her will be Christmas. Fortunately, she will be coming to see a concert with us and to celebrate an early thanksgiving, but I was worried for a bit.

   Having my grandmother leaving now and not coming back for a while had got me thinking about christmas. As a child I was always told to write a list and then write a letter to Santa Claus. If we didn't believe in him, we didn't get presents, If we didn't write a letter to him, we didn't get presents. Today I asked my mom if I really had to write a letter since I was getting older and I didn't know what I wanted. She told me that I had to if I wanted presents. This set me off into tears and confusion.

   You'd think that things wouldn't get me so much, but I admit I am selfish and lazy. I started crying because I honest to goodness didn't know what to write and I felt that I was running out of time. I really wanted christmas presents because I am that selfish. The christmas presents that I get from my parents aren't sufficient enough for me. I still need presents from Santa Claus. I have a feeling that the year santa doesn't come is going to be tough, but I will survive.

   After I started crying, I was told to maybe just not write a letter and see what happens. My grandmother stepped in and assured me that I would get presents. I still had my heels dug in that if I didn't write something, I wouldn't get presents. Sometimes my honesty gets in harms way when I believe something to strongly. My parents also assured me that I don't typically write my list until two weeks before christmas anyway. lol. This really hurt today because I wanted presents and I didn't want to be lazy, but I honestly didn't know what I wanted and what to do.